


Here is the young woman

by LiquorLiquorLips



Category: Here Are the Young Men (2020), hatym
Genre: Alcohol, Best Friends, Blackmail, Blood, Consensual Underage Sex, Dark, Debt, Drinking to Cope, Drugs, Drunk Sex, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Finn Cole - Freeform, Fluffy in parts, Hate, Lies, Love, Lust, Mental Instability, Mild Gore, Prostitution, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rave, Rez, Secrets, Sex Work, Smoking, Songfic, Teenagers, Underage Drinking, Underage Sex, Violence, Violent Thoughts, angel - Freeform, dean charles chapman - Freeform, exposing my spotify, ferdia walsh-peelo - Freeform, joseph Kearney - Freeform, lyrics in titles, matthew connelly - Freeform, prostitution runs in the family, spite
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:29:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 23
Words: 27,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26918887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiquorLiquorLips/pseuds/LiquorLiquorLips
Summary: you leave school and then the world is your oyster!
Relationships: matthew connelly/ofc
Kudos: 1





	1. One - Zombie

****

_“_ _I gotta grow me some roots, I gotta prop up the bar  
I got blood shot eyes, and there's blood in my teeth  
I got a ripped up jacket and a friend who's a thief  
Well I'm a frothin' at the mouth, tryna pull it out  
But the fire inside keeps burning, burning out” - Jamie T.  
_

****

“I don’t even know your real name!”

He shouted over the wind, drawing a long pull from the joint in his hand,

“And you probably never will”

She laughed back, almost dancing with each step she took along the sea wall, the waves crashed below her with brute force, the wind whipping them in to a spray that settled on her skin, she found it exhilarating, the risk and the element of danger, the way it made her stomach churn, it made him nervous, but he rolled his eyes and laughed along, she stopped suddenly squatting down to his level on the wall next to him, thrusting her hand out, he pushed it away putting the joint to her lips himself, she took a deep satisfying drag, eyes closed a small smirk on her lips, he watched marvelling at her lung capacity and how content she looked, she was a girl of simple pleasures, she opened her red rimmed eyes and wobbled, shock flashing over her face for a split second, he grabbed her hand, helping her steady herself, she roared with a loud infectious laughter that warmed him, his heart still throbbing at her near miss only seconds before, he had been trying to uncover her _real_ name all day, so far no luck, she kept it a secret and always had done

“that’s enough vodka”

She spluttered through giggles. Dublin wasn’t as big as people thought and how Matthew hadn’t bumped in to Angel sooner was beyond him, they were very similar in their humour, habits and mannerisms, and were often in the same circle of people, they must’ve just kept passing by each other. Their friendship had been short but he would be lost without her now, she seemed sensible and level headed, which to Matthew was refreshing, Rez, although intelligent supportive and understanding was far too intense at times and Kearney wasn’t interested unless it involved tits blow or bombs, Matthew often thought that if unhinged was a person Kearney was it. She was the happy medium, empathetic and funny, there were no blistering highs and crashing lows she was just Angel, he could have a conversation with her that wasn’t related to who she wanted to sleep with or trying to score, she showed a genuine interest in him and it was nice to feel important to someone. He helped her off the wall, the pair of them finding shelter from the wind under a tree, where they sat quietly talking waiting for their high to pass, an occasional giggle erupted between them, they shared the last beer and spliff they had enjoying every second of sunlight and warmth available to them, the conversation dwindled and they fell calm in one anothers company,

“What time is it”

Her voice almost a whisper,

“Nearly eight”

He replied without opening his eyes, his stomach churning with nausea, that would be the combination of hash speed and vodka, he thought to himself head pounding, the day had flown past and the evening was starting to draw in, the sunset leaving a dusty haze over the city, he loved the days like these, the days with no plan, just jumping on the DART to the coast a few smokes and a lot of laughs, he felt like it’s what he needed, with adulthood catching up to them fast he knew these days were numbered although he would have given anything for them to last forever, Matthew had never liked the thought of growing up and wasting his summers cramped in a shop or an office, but there hadn’t been much of a summer this year, a few nice days here and there but it’s mostly been overcast and drizzly, much like Matthews mood, he had no idea where to go from here, nearly 18 with a subpar education and he parents constantly on at him to sign on for the giro or get a proper career, ha! A career, he had no idea what he wanted to do with himself, as far as he was concerned he had no real skills or talent that he could develop in to a career, he just wanted to be left alone to enjoy his first taste of adult freedom, just for a couple of months. Although he had been drinking and smoking for a few years after Kearney managed to steal some of his brother’s hash supply and shared It round the small group when they were just shy of 15, so that element of freedom was nothing new. He envied Angel, she was so non-plussed about these things “it is what it is” she usually said, her mum hadn’t pressured her, she was as free as a bird and had the wit and charm to walk in to a job, education be damned!

“Connelly!” A voice from behind him made him turn, Kearney, Angel sighed and pushed herself back up, Matthew hadn’t even noticed she was practically horizontal seems as though she was feeling the effects of the drugs too. He glanced at her scowling as Kearney and Rez walked closer, “What are ye gobshites doing here?”

“Nothing?” Angel looked him up and down “Just came for a walk and a smoke”

“Nice by the sea, dead romantic!”

Kearney smirked, rolling his eyes, thinking he was a comic genius. Rez cocked an eyebrow at him, failing to see the humour.

Angel had met a fair amount of shady characters but there was something about Joseph Kearney she didn’t like, he was slimy and intimidating the less time she spent with him the better, although she didn’t think he was dangerous per say, she definitely kept her wits about her when he was nearby. Rez on the other hand she had a soft spot for, he was quiet and articulate, somewhat intelligent although very troubled, she had never worked out why he was so down, his home life was okay and as a group they supported each other, albeit in an unconventional way. She put it down to the drugs frying his brain. Although he was only 18 Rez carried himself as if he were much older, not that dealers cared whether you were underage or not, the group always let Rez collect, he was the one least likely to be stopped by the gardai on his way home, not like her, she had some frequent flyer miles under her belt in the local station, she would get stopped for not looking when she crossed the road.

“so what’s the plan tonight?”

Kearney asked cracking open a can of cider and passing it to Rez,

“Can go to mine if ye like” Angel offered “Me ma is working late again so the house is empty”

Kearney thought for a moment, pulling more cans from his tatty rucksack, he took his self-elected role as leader of the group very seriously,

“Ye got cash on ye?”

“Yes thanks why?”

She snapped, eyeing him suspiciously,

“I’ve got mad munchies, was thinking of ordering a pizza”

“aye no worries pal! Ill pay for it!”

“You’re a good girl!”

He winked and pursed his lips as if he were about to kiss her, an overdramatic theatrical pout, her stomach turned,

“Cunt”

She thought to herself.


	2. Two - Sticks and Stones

_“When there's no one left to fight  
Boys like him don't shine so bright  
Soon as I see the dust settle (Lightweight prick!)  
He's out on the town tryin' to find trouble” Jamie T  
_

****

****

She had always felt more comfort in the quiet, so why she had agreed to invite everyone back to hers she would never know, the music pulsed through her even at the relatively low volume it was playing, her eyes burned from the smoke, her head felt woolly, coming back from the kitchen she collapsed next to matt on the thread bare sofa his pupils dilated,

“What have ye taken?”

She laughed as he passed her a drink,

“pills, Rez has got them! Not bad!” He smiled back resting his head on her shoulder “Ye having fun?”

“Yeah living it”

He smiled patting her thigh gently, she didn’t mind physical affection from Matt but if anyone else had tried it she probably would have clouted them, she knew Matt was safe, she had learned from a young age that men were not to be trusted, neither were women really, but she kept that to herself.

“Did ye want in on these pills Angel?”

“No thanks I’m good, are you okay?” she looked at the boy smiling through shock, “Ye seem floaty?”

She half smiled at Rez who lay on the living room floor next to her dog, it wasn’t uncommon for Rez to end up cuddled up with Bruno after a heavy night, he smiled up at her a nodded. He was fine, he was starting his comedown, they all were and that usually symbolised the end of the evening, 

“Thank god!”

She thought to herself, she never would have kicked anyone out on to the street, but she couldn’t wait for everyone to go to sleep, just for a bit of peace and quiet,

“Anyone got any smokes?” Matt asked, his body slumped to the side head on Angels lap, cheeks flushed, and eyes closed “Just normal tobacco would be grand!”

“Pass me my handbag ill roll ye one”

He handed the bag over and giggled, she sniggered at him, he was long gone, his comedown was still hours away yet, but he seemed to be enjoying himself, now she had sobered she had become the mother figure, making sure all three boys had glasses of water near by and she had long since fetched the spare blankets from the airing cupboard.

Kearney hated him, he didn’t hate him, but he envied him. With his perfect life and normal parents. Matthew was a good looking lad too, with thick dark wavy hair and big blue eyes framed by long eyelashes and most importantly, Angel, his Angel, no one knew about his lust for her, the sort of lust that would make a man crazy, he would have given his left bollock to be in Matthews position right now, dozing in and out with her, fag on the go, whilst she ran her slender fingers through his hair. He definitely hated the way they shared a smoke; it was like she thought she was too good to hold her own rollie, Matt usually held It to her lips. Her perfect pink blow job lips. Kearney had a complicated relationship with his friends, just like he did most people in his life, he had a lot of time for Rez and Matthew, they had helped him a lot in the past, giving him somewhere to stay when his dad kicked him out, which happened more frequently than any of them knew, but he would never admit to that, he quite liked the adventure of sleeping outside, it was like camping but without the luxury and it took a lot for him to be scared of anyone, so the drunken brawlers didn’t bother him, he’d usually find somewhere in a park away from the paths to crash for the night, but he often felt patronised by them almost as if they were rubbing their perfect lives in his face.

Although her and Matthew weren’t an item, after all it was almost an unwritten rule that you didn’t sleep with your female friends, a silent understanding between the three boys that she was strictly off limits and Matthew being closest to her it was almost as though he had first dibs on her, Kearney had to wait in line, he didn’t want matts sloppy seconds but it was Angel and he would have happily waited forever if it meant he could just get one night with her. it suited Rez fine, he and Angel had already hooked up 2 years before, before she was welcomed into the group and the agreement was made. It wasn’t massively memorable but that could have been down to the rum he had drunk before, to be perfectly honest he was surprised he had managed to get it up at all. Like a gentleman he rarely brought the night up.

Kearney came back to earth with a bump, a voice snatching him from his rushing thoughts and back in to the room,

“Why are you staring at me?”

She asked, he hadn’t realised she was staring back,

“why are you staring at me?”

She rolled her eyes,

“You need to lay off the weed, its making ye paranoid! Ye still hungry?”

He softened slightly, she had dropped the holier than thou stance,

“A little bit yeah”

She nodded and gently moved Matt who was now snoring quietly and disappeared to the kitchen for a while, returning with 2 slices of hot buttery toast, she handed him the plate stealing half of one of the slices,

“sorry it’s not more, me ma hasn’t got the shopping in yet and I think 2 am may be a little bit late to get a pizza delivered”

Almost humbled by her kind gesture, his heart throbbed, he managed a small smile,

“It’s perfect thank you”

“It’s just toast but ye welcome”

His gratitude soon dissolved in to hate again as she slipped back under Matt, he watched the pathetic boy reposition himself until he was comfortable, he would have loved to use her thighs as a pillow, he would have loved even more to be between them. Kearney wasn’t the sort of person who liked to be told no, he had been brought up in a house hold of neglect and was used to being left to his own devices, that was how he discovered porn at such a young age. He can remember the sheer overwhelming joy at the sight of all the flesh on show in the pages of that magazine, he remembers the tingle down his spine and the delight in his first wank, all at the tender age of twelve. His brother told him he was a man from that point on and a man needed a good woman, he tried to get a girlfriend but he was more interested in disposable women, women like Angel, the sort you’d fuck and forget in the same 12 hour period, from what Rez had told him, she wasn’t easy to forget, Rez played it off as though it was a drunken mistake and he didn’t remember it, Kearney knew different, she was a woman of skill and he could tell by the way Rez blushed when their rendezvous was brought up, he knew that she had made a man of Rez that night. He was just trying to save her dignity; Kearney knew the little slut didn’t have any and if she did it wasn’t a lot! He sat and watched as she slept, he knew it was weird, he knew it was creepy but he couldn’t help himself, it was almost like he preferred her when she was motionless and quiet, almost as if her preferred her dead.


	3. Three - AKA What a Life.

_“Keep on chasing down that rainbow  
You'll never know what you might find  
Over the sunset on the horizon  
It may be a dream but it tastes like poison” Noel Gallagher_

Morning came quicker than any of them had anticipated, waking in a heap on the living room floor, the room soon filled with he sounds of pained groans and dry coughs. Angel glanced at Matthew, still half asleep with his head in his hands, he smiled towards her, she smirked back looking at his hair standing on end at awkward angles, he groaned and flattened it with a clammy hand. Kearney groaned and stretched from the armchair, looking around confused he whispered,

“Has anyone got any smokes?”

It was always the same they would wake up at around 11am she would busy herself, making tea and toast, they would then, with their blankets, head towards the garden for a “wake and bake” as Kearney called it, he frequently used Americanisms, they would sit and smoke and chat each of them much quieter than the night before, feeling delicate from their comedown, Rez would try and start a deep philosophical conversation only to be heckled by his friends who could barely remember their own names let alone entertain conversations about existentialism.

Rez would leave first usually yawning and chugging water as he went, Angel knew he would be going home for a shower and more sleep, no doubt in preparation to do it all again that night. Kearney would then spend the next hour calling him a lightweight and a downer, Matt and Angel would roll their eyes pretending to listen as he talked about his next violent video game idea or comic,

“Then ye find the dirty slut, but ye need to be careful cause if she spits on ye you’ll catch aids”

“Kearney? Where have you got the idea, all prostitutes have aids?”

“just look at them Matthew ye can see it almost eating them alive, to be honest shooting them is probably a kindness, but that’s the beauty of it ye don’t have to just shoot, ye can beat em, burn em, shoot em, blow em up the choice is yours, youll get more points for the goriest kill, I’d strongly recommend leaving them as nothing but a heaving pile of organs myself!”

Angel tried to get excited with him, watching him become so animated was somewhat endearing but she had a hard time finding anything likeable about a _heaving mass of organs,_ she shifted in the patio chair, reaching out for the tobacco on the table,

“Does anyone want another cuppa?”

She asked desperate to change the subject,

“No, I’ll have a bit of you though” Kearney leered making himself laugh as he licked the cigarette paper in his fingers, she scoffed flashing the finger at him, “Youre the only person who can make yesterdays makeup look good!”

Matthew cringed, Kearney found himself hilarious, he soon left after his third tea,

“off for a wank and a shit, see yous later!”

She was happy to see the back of him, she liked their long nights together but after a while Kearney wore very thin and she found him exhausting and the constant talk of violence often left her cold.

Before long her loud night and peaceful morning with her friends was a distant memory, she walked along, spotting a pub in the distance she pulled her rolling gear from her handbag, she knew this was where the money was, she shifted her dress and pulled her fingers through her hair to loosen any knots, she strolled over to a picnic bench set up outside, three men were sat there, chatting to each other each making their way through a pint glass, a cigarette in hand, she plastered on a winning smile, popping her tobacco papers and filters on the table,

“Oh hi, don’t mind me!” she laughed “sorry I can’t roll and walk!” her tone was ditzy and her charm flawless “I’ll be out of your way in a minute” 

she winked at the dark haired man closest to her, she had already made her assumptions, the expensive Italian wallet, top brand of fags on the table and no ring, if anyone was going to fall for it, it was going to be him, she giggled and smiled again, pretending to go through her bag for a lighter,

“Do you need a light babe?”

Winner! She was right, the dark-haired man asked,

“Ugh do you mind? I thought I had one! Obviously not!”

She laughed again feigning being grateful, she leaned forward, subtly using her body to accentuate certain curves, she allowed him to light the cigarette in her lips,

“Here get rid of that, have one of these”

He pulled the fag from between her lips and threw it on to the pavement,

“I’ve taken enough of your time, I don’t want your cigarettes too!”

She smiled,

“You can take what you like” he smirked eyeing her up and down, his friends starting to snigger “What’s your name gorgeous?”

“Angel” she blushed, her stomach seizing, this was the make or break moment “Yours?”

“That’s appropriate, its Chris”

She laughed,

“Good evening Chris” she sighed, shifting her bag on to her shoulder and adjusting her jacket, her eyes flashed as she went in for the kill, whispering in to his ear “Shall we talk a little more somewhere a little quieter?”

“I thought that was your game” she gulped, this is where it could all go wrong “come on then, lets go” she smiled at his friends now staring at her mouths agape, “after you”

He placed a hand on the small of her back leading her away,

“where do ya wanna go?”

She asked, she still got jittery, it never got easier,

“depends on you Angel, I’ve got 200 euro, what will that get me?”

She smiled and pretended to think tapping her finger on her chin,

“ohhhh at least 3 hours”

“deal”

He smiled shoving a handful of notes in to her top, throwing an arm around her shoulders and crashing his lips on to hers, she could smell the hops on him, her stomach seized just a little bit tighter.


	4. Four - Carmen

_“She says, "you don't want to be like me  
Don't wanna see all the things I've seen"  
I'm dying, I'm dying  
She says, "you don't want to get this way  
Famous, and dumb, at an early age  
Lying I'm lying” Lana Del Rey_

She did her usual fake laugh, she was a show girl, she knew how to turn tricks and stroke egos, she knew how to earn her money and tips.

Chris seemed fine, just lonely, going through a marriage break down, throwing himself in to work to keep himself occupied, she had heard it all. Angel found more often than not the men who sought her services weren’t just looking for a hole to fuck they were looking for company, someone to take away the bite of being lonely even if it was just for an hour, sometimes she didn’t even have to get undressed, sometimes they were happy just to buy her a drink and have a chat, get some of their worries off their chest, it made no difference to her, she still made money at the end of it.

She twitched and let out a long theatrical moan grabbing the sheets, amusing herself, Chris really thought he was an Adonis. She much preferred the clients who would spring for a hotel, the beds were just different, softer, warmer.

He surfaced from under the covers, a smirk on his face,

“Enjoying yourself?”

“Jesis pal it’s not yelp! I’m not leaving a review!”

She thought to herself nodding and fluttering her eyelashes

“Good, I’m just getting started”

In a flurry of sudden movement, he grabbed a handful of her hair, he yanked her down the bed, ragging her to the floor, she landed on her hip, grimacing,

“Easy babe!” she gasped forcing a small giggle and trying to catch her breath “I’m not a rag doll!”

“I’m not paying for your attitude!”

He landed a swift kick to her ribs, she winced winded, fuck, her mammy had warned her about guys like this, she had never actually encountered one though,

“Look honey, this’ll be much more enjoyable if I’m still able to move”

She was almost begging trying to keep her tone light hearted,

“Fuck that!”

He shouted, grabbing her wrist and wrenching her back on to the bed, he smacked her bare arse, she new it had left a mark as the burning sting brought a tear to her eye,

“No Chris stop! This is too much!”

“I’ll tell you when its too much, now shut the fuck up!”

He grabbed her calf forcing it level with her head, she felt the muscles strain and her joints pop, he positioned himself, flashing her a menacing grin, he slammed in to her, she was still mostly dry, it felt like she had been torn, she gasped and cried out, he took it as a come on, repeatedly driving in to her until tears spilled from her eyes, her stomach ached, she gasped for air, the muscles in her leg cried for relief, she couldn’t even fight back, she tried to push, only for him to put more weight on to her,

“Enough!”

“Shut up!”

He pulled out, turning away from her for a second, he rubbed his face with both hands, she sat up slowly, he was still erect, she gulped,

“Chris?”

In a flash he turned, letting out an almost demonic growl, his hand met her cheek with such force she hit the floor, he swooped and grabbed handfuls of long dark hair throwing her face down on the bed, she clenched her legs together, begging for respite through tears, she ached and she was frightened, she didn’t want to do this anymore, he forced her leg apart with his knee, his hand on the back of her head he ground her face in to the mattress, she screamed as he forced himself in to her again, still dry, still sore.

She spent the next few hours at his mercy, keeping quiet and complying as much as her throbbing body would allow, as the blows rained down, she heaved, he stopped for a second,

“Get in the bathroom if you’re gonna throw up you tramp!”

She did so obediently, her entire body convulsing from the force of the sickness, she stopped wiping her nose and eyes on the back of her hand, she stumbled to the sink, trying to neaten the mascara running down her face with Luke warm water and toilet tissue, she tried to stand straight, ignoring the pang of pain in her back, she walked slowly back in to the bedroom, Chris was pulling his clothes back on, he had gathered hers and placed them on the bed,

“The money is there, two hundred euro as agreed plus an extra twenty for a cab” he was like a different person “get dressed and go, it’s been a lovely evening but my girlfriend will wonder where I am”

She wasn’t even shocked by his revelation, she nodded and quickly got dressed, even the seams of her dress were agitating her tender frame.

She snatched the money and left quickly, she stumbled out of the hotel, her insides churning, with fear and shame, she sighed looking around there was an orange haze sweeping the silent town, sunrise, she moved slowly, confused, making her way home, she stopped in an alley, counting her money and sitting in a doorway, her thick faux fur coat usually felt so glamourous but today it felt soiled and grimy, even so she pulled it tightly around her allowing a small cry. She succumbed to the pain wracking her and slipped in to a dreamless sleep.


	5. Five - The End

****

_“Reasons why I need to care  
You can keep my mind at ease  
Something overcast inside of me  
No one should feel my eye  
People that I've known before  
Come and go just like the breeze  
Sometimes think they're right in front of me  
No one should feel my eye  
No one should feel my cold  
And I just can't describe  
How I got so cold  
And I can feel the end” DMA’s_

****

Kearney sat up slowly, a cold chill made him twitch, blinking a few times he stretched and brushed the leaves from his arm, it had been another adventure night and neither of those pricks were answering their phones! He had pitched himself in the undergrowth a little way into a woods not far from the city centre, if he didn’t want anyone to catch him out he needed to get back home and shower and change fast. He spent a few moments rolling a cig and hitched his bag on to his shoulder, sighing he headed off, the argument from the night before echoing around his head,

_“it should have been you under that train! Not your mother!”_

_“Fuck you! I wish it were me!”_

_“Don’t we all you junkie cunt!”_

****

It was one of his dad’s favourite things to do when he had a drink, bring his mother in to things, as if Kearney didn’t miss her too. His mother had her demons, mostly stemming from when he was born, what started out as post-natal depression soon spiralled into post-natal psychosis, she killed herself when he had just turned three, leaving him alone in his stroller on the platform she threw herself off the edge. For a while things were okay, his dad was still working, relying heavily on Kearney’s grandparents for child care, they were more than happy to oblige, everything went down hill when his dad was made redundant, he hit the drink hard, which now makes Kearney laugh, he slates him for doing drugs and yet he’s sat there doing the self-same thing! Only 9 cans of carling a night is more socially acceptable than 9 spliffs a night.

He sauntered towards an alleyway, trying to avoid anyone he might know seeing him, they would ask questions, questions he didn’t want to answer.

He stopped dead in his tracks, a wicked grin pulling at the corners of his mouth, was that a body? It was definitely a woman, the clumps of dark hair sprawled from the top of her tacky leopard print fur coat was a dead give away of that and her pretty strappy stilettos, this wasn’t any woman, it dawned on him, this was a prostitute! Excited he nudged her hip with his foot, a face came in to view, he gasped, shaking with excitement, feeling like fireworks were going off in his veins, he stumbled back, Angel! He sniggered to himself and quickly left the area, his mind racing, it could have been a coincidence, she could have been attacked on her way home from work, he needed a plan, he needed to speak to his brother.

“Matthew, I swear if you don’t move now!!”

He grunted his response from under the duvet, groaning as his mum nudged him,

“What...What? I’m awake!”

“Good, now get ye arse downstairs, we need a chat and I’ve made you an appointment at the job centre!”

With that she stormed out, leaving his bedroom door open, he let out a heavy sigh, his patience very quickly wearing thin for this sort of thing, he wanted to enjoy himself before chaining himself to a job for the rest of his natural life, what did she have to get involved for? He rooted around in his bedside drawer for some pain killers to try and ease the dull throbbing in his temples, he couldn’t remember the last time he woke up without a headache and a dry mouth, the taste of cigarettes from the night before lingering.

He pulled the closest t-shirt to hand over his head, sniffing it before he did making sure it didn’t smell too strongly of smoke. He trudged downstairs dropping himself at the kitchen table,

“Glad you could join us!”

His sister muttered, he looked at her his face remaining neutral, he couldn’t think of a comeback, he couldn’t be bothered and he felt as though he had fallen from the tenth floor and bounced when he hit the ground,

“So, these pals of yours”

She turned away from the sink to face him, her arms folding across her chest and head tilted,

“Here we go!”

He rolled his eyes, ignoring the smirk on his sister’s face, she really looked like their da,

“No Matthew I’m serious! The only semi decent one seems to be Rez and even he’s a bit weird!”

“Rez is fine, he’s just quiet, nothing wrong with that is there?”

She began to absent mindedly spray and wipe the kitchen counters over, Matthew knew this routine, she was about to ask a question and was mulling her next few words over carefully, she never had been very good at the big sentimental conversations and usually when she tried to have one it resulted in an argument

“No but that’s not what I’m getting at, I’m starting to think he’s quiet for a reason and there’s no way in hell Angel has a stable home not when she’s dressing like that and roaming the streets in the early hours, and I know she does cause ye da has seen her on his way to work” he zoned out, Angel wasn’t the type to stay out all night, maybe it was someone who just looked like her “Matthew, I want ye to be honest with me, are you on drugs?”

“Yes” he murmured holding eye contact and keeping his expression dead pan “several”

He wasn’t lying, it was the truth and she wanted it,

“Ugh! Matthew! You’re not taking this seriously!”

She threw the sponge in the sink exasperated, it landed with a comical little plop sending bubbly foam shooting up the wall,

“Oh, believe me I am!”

She threw her hands up in defeat,

“I give up with you, ye wanna fuck ye life up fine, go and do it! See if I care”

He rolled his eyes at the dramatic display, choosing to ignore his siter who was shaking her head at him in disgust, he marched back up to his bedroom sorting himself for the day he opened his bag, throwing in a couple of cans a small baggy of weed that he kept in his bed side drawer and left quickly, he didn’t know what time he was meant to be signing on and he didn’t particularly care, he probably wouldn’t have gone even if he had been told.

He walked quickly towards the dart, with no plan in mind, he pulled his phone from his pocket, he hadn’t seen Angel in just over a week, he clicked her name and waited for her to answer.

She propped herself against a wall, trying to catch her breath, she wrapped an arm around herself trying to support her aching ribs, sleeping in the door way was a mistake! she sighed, squeezing her sore eyes closed body crying out for sleep, she hadn’t had a night like it in a while, she felt grimy and wanted nothing more than to go home shower and go to bed for a couple of hours. A high-pitched trill from her handbag made her groan, without looking she answered the ringing phone,

“Hi? Hello?”

“Angel? Its Matt, ye okay ye sound out of breath”

“Yeah no I’m fine” she winced lying through gritted teeth “what’s up?”

“Ye want to meet? I’ve got a couple of cans little bit of weed?”

She stopped for a second weighing up her options, she wanted to see Matt, but she desperately needed to go home and freshen up, barmaids generally didn’t come home looking the way she did,

“Can ye give us an hour? I just want to grab a shower before I come out”

“It sounds like you’re already out. Everything okay?

She looked around, glaring at people who stared at her, whether it was in sympathy or disgust,

“Yeah I’m fine honestly just popped to the offie for some milk that’s all, I’m dying for a cuppa!” shoving her hand in her coat pocket she thumbed through the notes, grimacing at her own lie, her friends shouldn’t suffer her choices, she crouched down pulling her heels off, as beautiful as they were, they were not meant for long term wear, her feet were killing her “Tell ye what, gimme forty minutes, I’ll get showered then we’ll go get some lunch? My treat?”

“Yeah?” he sounded taken aback “Yeah sure we can do; I’ll meet you in town?”

“Sounds great! I’ll see you soon!”

She started walking towards home, shoving her phone back in her handbag, overwhelmingly tired from her display of fake enthusiasm, faces in the crowds seemed to blur together, she pulled her coat around herself, paranoid that someone would guess what she had been up to, she looked down, not wanting to make eye contact with anyone. Matthew was a sweetheart, she had lost count of the times he had wiped her tears, the amount of times they had fallen asleep in strange places, most commonly the beach in the summer, she loved her time with him, she could only describe him as a big warm hoodie, the sort the envelopes you and makes you feel safe, he was her stability, even if he wasn’t very stable himself. She was brought quickly from her thoughts by someone bumping into her, keeping her head down she scurried off,

“Angel?”

Rez called after her, she didn’t respond blending into the crowd he frowned and continued his own journey.


	6. Six - Girls Like You

_“What would you do if you couldn't even feel?  
Not even pitiful pain  
How would you deal if the indecisions  
Eating away at the days?  
Don't you know people write songs about girls like you?” Naked and Famous_

****

****

She stood staring at her naked figure, skin mottled and dotted with bruises and scratches, she ran her fingers gently over a hickey on her collar bone, touching so gently afraid it might hurt, it was tender, she climbed in to the shower, taking deep breaths as the warm water fell over her, she slouched forward slightly her spine making a satisfying crack, she opened her eyes to see crimson water pooled at her feet, she sighed, that would explain the stomach cramps. She washed quickly, blasting her hair dry and throwing leggings and a baggy jumper on, she walked in to the living room, her mum asleep on the sofa, she smiled to herself, crouching down and sweeping blonde hair from her mums clammy forehead,

“Morning ma”

Her eyes flickered open, smiling as her daughter came in to focus,

“You look tired love”

She whispered cupping the girls face, she smiled at the warmth putting her own hand over her mothers. She was only fourteen herself when she became a mother, but she always tried her hardest for her, it had never been easy, but they were close,

“I’m fine” angel sniggered “You smell like a distillery!”

Her mum smiled,

“I know! Isn’t it awful!”

Angel nodded still smiling,

“I’m just going out, going to meet matt, do ye want a cuppa before I go?”

“Please love, can ye roll us a cig too”

Angel nodded heading off to make the tea she had offered, placing the mug on the floor next to the sofa her mum now upright,

“How was your night?”

She asked, rolling as she spoke

“Not bad, quite busy, yours?”

Angel shrunk back into herself,

“I’d rather not talk about it”

“one of those?”

Her mum asked eyebrows raised and a comforting tone to her voice, the young girl nodded rising from the chair and handing her mum the roll ups she had made her, she kissed her on the forehead,

“I might give tonight a miss, I’m bleeding again”

“Oh love”

She didn’t take sympathy very well,

“It’s fine, right I’m heading out, I might see ye later”

“Alright love have fun”

She always felt a tinge of sadness leaving her mum behind, she was only 32 she should be out having the time of her life, instead she had a string of dodgy exes and they spent the majority of their time together cuddled up under a blanket on the living room floor hiding from bailiffs. Their careers were lucrative, but it never seemed enough to keep debt collectors from their door.

He moved the gravel below his foot, listening to it crackle, snapping his head up again he looked around him for some sort of sign of Angel turning up, he sighed looking at his phone for the time, she was late as per usual, only by ten minutes but even so, he had never expected her to be on time anyway.

“Matt?”

He turned to face the voice, Rez was walking towards him, his hair bouncing slightly, sunglasses balanced on the bridge of his nose, he smiled towards him, he dropped himself down on the bench next to him, pulling a packet of fags from his jacket pocket he offered matt the pack,

“ye giros gone in then” Matthew laughed “What’s up?”

“Have you seen Angel?”

“Not yet no I’m waiting for her now”

“Right that’s great, look I’m worried about her man”

Matt took a pull off the cigarette in his hand, staring at Rez,

“Why?”

He asked his nose screwing up in confusion,

“I swear I see her this morning, but she didn’t look…” he paused thoughtfully for a second “Okay? She looked tired and stressed out”

“My angel?”

Rez nodded,

“Yeah I swear it was her, she was a bit of a mess to be honest and not in a been on the drink and the pills all night mess, she looked like” she stopped again “like she had been beaten up” Matt’s heart fluttered, he knew she worked nights in a pub with her mum sometimes but how brutal could bar work be? “I did shout after her, but I don’t think she heard me, what if she had been attacked? Let’s be fair none of the pubs round here are very nice”

Matt nodded running the cigarette between his lips thoughtfully,

“Right” the word barely came out as his head raced with a thousand thoughts “right I’ll speak to her when- if- she gets here”

“Don’t say I told you”

“Nah man I won’t I’ll let ye know what’s said, what’s ye plans for the day?”

He asked trying to change the subject,

“Just been and signed on, gonna go home for a bit, might read my book, I dunno, might just have a tug and go to sleep for a bit”

He shrugged, matt laughed,

“Don’t let me stop you” he watched his friend stand, marvelling for a second at how long the boy was, long and thin, he was almost ghost like in the way he moved “I’ll ring ye later”

Rez nodded walking away.

As quickly as Rez had left Angel had arrived, fag in one hand coffee in the other, she leant down kissing Matthew on the cheek, his skin tingled under her touch, pulling the corners of his mouth in to a small smile, heat spread across his cheeks,

“I am so sorry I got chatting to my mum”

“It’s fine don’t worry” he forgave her lateness “Ye wanna smoke first or eat?”

“eat!” she groaned putting a hand on her flat stomach “I’m starving!”

They made their way to a small café in the town centre, sat in a small booth they giggled between themselves, people watching and sipping hot drinks, Matthew enjoyed it, he wondered if this is how life would be had they not discovered how much fun drugs could be, he watched her as she told stories of her bar shift the night before, laughing along as she put on voices representing each nightmare customer and using over the top hand gestures,

“Well I’m sorry sir I can’t fit more than a pint in a pint glass you’ll have to buy two…ye absolute langer!” he roared with laughter liking the simplicity of this moment “anyway” she giggled catching her breath and picking up the menu sliding it towards him “What do you want?”

He felt bad spending her money, but she was insistent,

“ye sure”

“naah was only playing! Of course, I’m sure ye dope, just pick something! Anything! I don’t care”

He smiled again, they settled for a burger and chips and a coke, laughing between themselves as they ate happily, Matthew had begun to notice how relaxed things were without Kearney around, he almost preferred it, he didn’t think Kearney was dangerous, but he had a dark and foreboding presence to him, whenever Kearney was around it felt like something was about to go wrong, like they were all walking on a knife edge, just waiting to fall.

They soon found themselves walking along the seafront a joint each and full bellies, Matthew chewed the inside of his cheek, a burning question eating away at him, what Rez had said,

“c’mon, let’s go and sit on the sea wall” He knew it was her favourite place, he used to love watching her in the summer, the way she spoke about the waves and the calming effect the sea had on her was almost poetic, she seemed to sparkle when she spoke about it and it was the prettiest he had ever seen her, the sunsetting seemed to bring out the smattering of freckles across her nose and made her deep brown hair seem auburn, they sat close together the silence between them comfortable, she stared off in to the distance her eyes almost glazed, thinking about the events of the night before,

_“No don’t that hurts!”_

_She winced pain ripping across her pelvis, she was usually pretty robust, but this client was something different, landing punches between acts and forcing her to cry, she questioned whether she was going to leave the place alive. He grabbed another handful of her hair forcing her head down, muffling her pained cries,_

_“Shut the fuck up bitch that’s what I’m paying ye for!!”_

She was paid to entertain, not to be abused but it came with the job, she would ache for a while, but she would always come back for more.

“You alright?”

She snapped back to reality and turned to see matts concerned face, she smiled,

“Yeah of course! I’m fine!”

She let out a small breathy laugh looking down at the water and flicking her cigarette ash. He shuffled awkwardly and took a deep breath, his stomach flipping, he hoped he would handle this better than his mother would,

“I see Rez this morning, whilst I was waiting for ye”

“Is he okay?”

“Yeah, he’s erm-“he sniffed and rubbed his nose on his sleeve “He’s worried about ye, thought he see ye in a bit of a state this morning”

Her heart skipped a beat, the voice in the crowd, the man who bumped in to her, she thought she recognized it, she weighed up her options quickly, looking at Matts face, the concern in his eyes made the guilt she carried heavier, nerves formed a burning knot in the pit of her stomach, she cleared her throat, knowing she was about to lie to him again,

“yeah I’m fine, I was just caught up with a customer who got a bit bolshy, the police were called ended up stuck there for questioning, ye know how it goes”

“You were attacked?”

“Nah” she thought for a second “I wouldn’t say attacked, wasn’t a great experience but was far from an attack”

He looked at her confused,

“do ye need the hospital?” to say he was worried would be an understatement “we can go now if ye like?”

She shook her head, seeming a little bit vacant, he watched for a moment as she came back around, she smiled at him, humbled by his concern,

“I’m fine, honestly, the police checked me over last night”


	7. Seven - Fuck

_“Fuck, let me get a bit in stock  
Let me get your mindset, this is what  
Everything I say now, let me get it round  
Put me in the ground, probably six feet down  
I guess, let me split your head in two  
Bitch I seen what the fuck you wanna do  
I guess, let me get you back on your feet  
Bitch I seen what the fuck you really need” Oliver Tree._

****

“No Kearney please don’t…we’re meant to be friends, come on man”

He laughed at Matthew, snivelling at his feet, tears running thick and fast down his flushed bloody cheeks, his lips swollen teeth missing, he pushed the barrel of the pistol harder in to his temple leaving an indent, his finger twitched on the trigger, his heart racing in his chest, this was it he could do it and it would be so easy. A pair of arms snaked around his waist, a pair of lips brushed his neck, he softened under her touch, his arm going slack for a fleeting moment, just having her near him was enough to send sparks through his veins, his Angel, he smirked at the wreck at his feet, enjoying his pleading and the pain seeing him with Angel was causing him, he had it coming for a long time the smug little fuckwit, he dangled her in front of him for so long it was about time he got his comeuppance,

“Do it baby”

She whispered in his ear, making his hair stand on end, her teeth brushing his earlobe playfully, the blood rushed to his cock, he moved his head slightly to gently rest against hers, he could feel her smirking, he placed his hand on top of hers and shrugged,

“The lady always gets what she wants”

With that he pulled the trigger, watching as fragments of Matthews skull flew from the back of his head, the floor coated in brain and a sticky scarlet mess, the boy twitched for a few seconds, Kearney locked eye contact watching as the life left his body, he laughed turning to Angel, a hand on the back of her neck he forced his lips on to hers feeling her body melt in to his.

He finished on his stomach, he opened his eyes hands still shaking, grabbing a t-shirt from the floor he wiped himself over, had he just wanked over Matthew Connelly? No, no of course he hadn’t he wanked over Angel, it just happened that Matthew was the victim that time, so it was fine.

He wiped beads of sweat from his forehead and huffed, glancing at the time, he was due to meet up with them all soon for this rave they had all be talking about, he didn’t really want to go, he couldn’t think of anything worse, a dark room full of strangers being shoved around and sweated on. The only real allure was the thought of free pills, a pharmacopeia of pills he had never tried before. He threw the duvet back and headed for the shower.

****

He heard the front door rattle and slam, his brother was home, he waited for a few minutes waiting for the footsteps up the stairs and a door to close, he sheepishly walked towards it, knocking quietly,

“what?”

Kearney pushed the door open, the smell of stale aftershave and faded weed greeted him, his brother was sat at his computer desk, he was a few years older than Kearney but they were close, his brother had taken a few clouts from their dad in the past after getting in his face when he had turned on Kearney, the boy smiled,

“how was your day?”

“Shit! Yours?”

“Quiet” Kearney shrugged “I need you to do me a favour”

He eyed his brother trying to gage what sort of response he would get,

“How much is this going to cost me?”

“around 200 euro”

“What! You’re mad man!”

“No listen!” Kearney adjusted himself “there’s this girl I know, and I think she might be a prostitute”

His brother sniggered

“Ask her what her going rate is then ye knacker!”

“No! she can’t know I know!” he cleared his throat “I wanna use the information…for blackmail” he rubbed his neck awkwardly “but it means you’re gonna have to sleep with her, and im going to need photos, like hard proof”

“Has this girl wronged ye?”

His brother asked sinisterly,

“No…not as such, I just need to knock her down a few pegs and take the stars out of some other lad’s eyes”

“So, yer doing this so you can get in her knickers and this other boy can’t?”

Kearney nodded that was the long, short of it, his brother smirked, Kearney was sure it was pride on his face,

“Yer wise beyond yer years joseph, sure I’ll do it, get me a picture of the little tramp and I’ll sort it out, but you owe me!”

“Yeah of course!” he couldn’t stop the grin from spreading across his face “Thanks man!”

They shook hands and Kearney left, elated. He was not only about to fuck Matthew over, but he was also about to ruin Angels life too! Fantastic! She deserved it for being such a tease! She would soon learn.

Kearney got off the DART, shoving his hands in his pockets he walked along the street, taking deep breaths of the cool night air, as arranged Rez was sat by the fountain, sunglasses on and book in hand, his hair fell over the side of his face, Kearney dropped himself down next to him, the boy didn’t flinch, Kearney cleared his throat, Rez didn’t move, he sighed and pulled a can from his bag,

“Why are ye wearing sunglasses at night?”

“Why aren’t you”

Rez responded monotonously, he still hadn’t looked up,

“You got any smoke?”

“Yes thank you”

Rez looked at him, finally! He had gotten the little weirdo’s attention, maybe Weirdo was a bit cruel, Rez had always been the dark horse of the group, he had an abundant knowledge of drugs drink and the whores of the area, he knew what pills to mix and what drink complimented which drug, if there was a Michelin star for drugs and booze Rez would win it without fail. Kearney didn’t care too much for “Safe” highs, the sort that wouldn’t make you act too erratically, that was the point in taking them to let loose and enjoy yourself a bit, Rez rooted around in his pocket, pulling out a slightly crumpled joint and handing it to Kearney,

“Twos me”

He mumbled handing his friend a lighter, minutes passed, Kearney’s mind began to roam again, what would happen if he just stabbed Rez? He had the knife on him, he looked his friend up and down imagining the shock in his eyes as he plunged a knife in to his chest, the small gasps that would have left him, his fantasy shattered by a shout, Rez’s head snapped in the direction of the noise, a smile spreading across his face as Angel and Matthew came in to view, Kearney rolled his eyes, handing half the spliff to Rez.

She skipped merrily towards them, her long hair in two stupid buns, neon cycle shorts and a crop top that left very little to the imagination and an iridescent bomber jacket that flew behind her with ridiculous fringing, Rez stood up ready to greet them, Angel flung herself at him, pleased to see him, you didn’t have to be blind to see that Kearney was the black sheep.

“Who’s got what with them?” Matthew asked, looking around they all knew the drill, these things didn’t generally have a bar because they were very fucking illegal, so for the most part everyone fended for themselves, “Me and Angel have got some pills and some tabs, Rez?”

“I’ve got some smoke, bit of weed, bit of hash”

“Kearney?”

“Couple of bottles of vodka and some cans”

Angel smiled around the group,

“Nice! Let’s fucking have it!”

Rez laughed at her enthusiasm and they went on their way, heading down backstreets and alleys to the old warehouse.


	8. Eight - Solomon Eagle

_“It’s not the devil, pulling you down  
This retribution, comes from above  
This is God, this is God giving up on us  
This is God giving up” Jamie T._

Her stomach fluttered as they neared the venue, the music was vibrating through the floor and pulsing through them already and they were still outside! Matthew smiled towards her taking in every detail of her face, he had never seen her smile like that, it warmed him, she grabbed his hand, Rez’s too, running backwards,

“C’mon Kearney man!”

She cried out, rushing towards the dark doorway dragging his friends with her, he rolled his eyes and hitched his backpack strap up his arm.

They walked into the darkened room, Angels grip on the boy’s hands tightening, the smiled at each other taking in the sights, lights strobing, music playing and people dancing. This was it this is what life was about, the smell of cigarette smoke and weed hung in the air and there was a cloud like haze making the strobes look all the more impressive, Angel cheered and ran in to the crowd dancing instantly, Matthew followed.

Rez lingered at the side for a while watching everyone, dancing shouting, and laughing, some people further gone than others, he smiled to himself, pulling a cigarette from his packet and lighting it,

“Embarrassing aint it?”

Kearney sidled next to him,

“What?”

“Matthew”

“What about him?”

Rez glanced at his friend confused,

“Just the way he’s all over her like, just fuck her already!”

“Maybe she doesn’t want to!”

“Maybe he shouldn’t give her the choice!”

It took a moment for Rez’s brain to process what Kearney has just said, was he talking about rape? He knew Kearney was dark, but he didn’t realise he was depraved too! And Matthew definitely wasn’t! his face must’ve given him away, he wasn’t sure what he was feeling let alone how he looked, he flicked his cigarette ash on to the floor, Kearney looked at him with a smile,

“Right” Rez paused “pass us a drink out will ye, just a can!”

A silence fell between the two, Rez wasn’t sure if Kearney was feeling as awkward as he was, Rez hoped he was just joking, he hoped that his friend wasn’t capable of something so heinous, especially given the way he had spoken of Angel in the past. He spoke about her like she was the reason for the stars in the sky, but that was a while ago now, Rez had noticed Kearney seemed to be getting more graphic with his descriptions of violence, he always seemed so highly strung, maybe it was the drugs? Rez hoped it was the drugs.

Matthew watched as Angel sang, head back eyes closed and arms in the air, she swayed her hips rhythmically, he caught himself smiling, she tripped using him to support herself, spluttering with laughter,

“More!”

She shouted, he watched her confused as she pulled a small bag out of her pocket, tabs, she placed one on her tongue and winked at him, she grabbed his t-shirt, yanking him closer, she pushed her lips on to hers, using her tongue to pass the tab between the two of them, it was like his world had stopped still, everything around him faded away, he wasn’t sure if it was the acid or her, either way the heat crawling up his back was pleasant he was enjoying himself.

Rez jumped up gasping, swatting Kearney’s arm repeatedly,

“Look! He’s done it! Matthews only gone and done it!”

Kearney pulled his arm away agitated; his head was swimming from the mystery pills he had just taken,

“Get off will ye! Done what?”

“Look! He’s made It out of the friendzone!” Rez laughed loudly! “G’WAN MATTHEW!”

He laughed and cheered making his way over to the two who were now locked in a tight embrace, he threw his arms around them both drawing more laughter.

Kearney’s heart dropped in to the pit of his stomach, a horrid mix of bile and rage rose in his throat, he glared at the happy scene, his blood boiling, he shoved his way back through the crowd towards the door, as the cool air hit him, he screamed long and loud in to the empty space around him, he marched around enraged, hitting his head with the palms of his hands and kicking whatever was in front of him, he tore his phone from his pocket, emitting inhuman growls he typed out a message,

_“Tht whore needz dealin wiv ASAP!”_

He stormed away pleased he had his bag with him, pulling out a spliff he made his wy to fuck knows where passing through streets and alleys until he came to the centre of town, he dodged drunken revellers, a voice catching his attention,

“Got any change please mate!”

“No fuck off!”

He spat back, glaring in the direction of the voice, there was a homeless man, glaring back taken aback by the aggression in the young boy,

“Alright mate I only want it for a room for the night, go back to sucking ye ma’s tit!”

Kearney stopped dead, he turned on his heels his pace quickening as he approached the old hobo,

“Ye fucking what!”

“You heard”

With a sharp shove Kearney was on the ground, he bolted back to his feet, the sounds of people laughing fading in to a loud static that rushed through his head, he drew his fist back and with all his strength swung for the tramp in front of him, his spine tingling as bone hit bone, a small blood splatter spraying from the tramps rancid mouth, the crowds around him fell silent, he stopped blind with rage he swung his leg, watching as the tramps head bounced like a football, more blood, he smirked to himself, feeling the sweat bead on his head and pool in his shirt, he grabbed his bag and sauntered off, the adrenaline rush from potentially killing someone was more addictive than any drug he had taken before and the buzz was far more enjoyable.

He made his way home, throwing his bag down and collapsing on to his bed, he lay in silence for a few moments, relishing the last of the adrenaline that was coursing through him. He rolled on to his side and pulled his pillow under his head, he cried.


	9. Nine - Will We Talk?

_“Blue Monday  
Blarin' loudly out the speakers  
Fluorescent liquid in his beaker  
Another night they go too far  
She said  
"I don't usually do this kind of thing"  
Does it change the way you think of me?  
Thinking isn't his forte_

_And she said  
"If you dance with me, darling  
If you take me home  
Will we talk in the morning?" Sam Fender._

****

****

They stumbled backwards crashing through her bedroom door,

“Shhh!”

She giggled with her finger to his lips, he laughed with her, between sloppy kisses, they made their way to her bed, falling back she landed on top of him, pulling at his clothes and running her hands through his hair, small moans passed between them as she tugged at the hem of his t-shirt, now damp with sweat, they froze for a second, he looked at her, with messy hair and rosy cheeks she was a dream, at least to him anyway, she wrinkled her nose,

“What?”

He shook his head moving a few strands of hair from her face,

“Nothing!”

She shifted her weight landing next to him, she pulled him closer,

“Lets get on with it then”

She whispered dusting his neck and collar bones with small delicate kisses,

“I’m gonna need some help!”

He stammered still feeling the affects of the drink and drugs, she laughed and pulled her top off, thrusting her hips upwards she wiggled out of her shorts, helping Matthew unbutton his jeans, he glanced down, nothing had happened, he should be standing to attention, he was living the dream a rave and a bunk up with a beautiful girl, she sat up rolling her eyes she pushed him down, tugging the waist band of his boxer shorts she took him in to her mouth, hands firmly on his hips, he gasped, willing something to happen.

Nothing.

“I’m…I am so sorry”

He stammered, mortified, she shrugged, laying down next to him, settling her self on his chest, even her bare breasts on his skin hadn’t roused even a twitch, he rubbed his eyes with his finger and thumb,

“It’s fine” she broke off “Let’s just…sleep!”

He smiled pulling her close, nuzzling into her hair.

He stretched rubbing one of his eyes and scratching the back of his head, blinking a few times his eyes took a second to adjust to the pale pink light that flooded the sparsely decorated bedroom, the fairy lights on the wall still glowed warmly from the night before, the smell of the ash tray on the floor lingered, he turned slightly, watching Angel putting damp washing on the rickety clothes horse by the window, he stopped silent just taking in the sight, the past twenty four hours had opened his eyes to a lot, drugs where inherently bad if you were trying to bunk up, she was his best friend and also someone he would happily settle down with, even at their young age, but they had taken the extra step, with disastrous consequences,,

She turned and glanced at him smiling slightly,

“Morning”

Her voice was quiet, still rusty with sleep, he smiled back lazily, not moving from his position on the bed, it wasn’t completely unknown for Matthew to stay at Angels house and when he did they usually shared her small double bed, she had always curled close to him, in the most innocent way, she wanted to feel safe, having Matthew there made a big difference to the quality of sleep she had, they always ended up in the same position, her by the wall and him closest to the door, she would have her back to him and his arm would be flung comfortably over her midriff.

He had almost forgotten about the night before, but it quickly came flooding back and he was mortified all over again, she hadn’t mentioned it, maybe she was just being polite, the silence made the facts even more difficult to ignore.

She threw the washing basket back in to the corner of the room, walking back over to the bed, she scooped matts hoodie off the floor and pulled it over herself, she shoved his feet out of the way and perched on the end of the bed with one leg tucked below her,

“I hope you don’t think differently of me”

He shook his head his face fixed into a frown,

“No of course I don’t!” the silence between them was heavy for a moment “I hope you don’t think differently of me”

She screwed her nose up in a snigger,

“No! it happens, don’t do drugs”

He sat up shoving the duvet down to his waist, trying to look annoyed and failing

“I’m being serious!” he reached forward for her hand “I care about you…a lot! It’s not that I don’t find you attractive… it’s just…I…”

“Matthew! It’s fine I know!”

“I know! I just…It doesn’t matter”

“And plus, you should watch ye self, don’t piss me off Connelly or I’ll tell everyone!”

His face dropped as she sucked her teeth and started to roll a joint, he stared her down, he could see the smirk in the corners of her mouth, he tugged his bottom lip with his teeth ever so slightly, just watching and she knew it, she could feel it, in a swift move she licked the paper rolled, sealed and tossed the joint in his direction, he flinched,

“Don’t fucking throw things at me!”

“Or what?” she looked through her eyelashes at him, an eyebrow cocked “Bitch boy”

He lunged forward making her squeak, he grabbed her thigh,

“Don’t fucking pinch me!”

She was laughing, one of the things he loved about her laugh was how it could fill a room, it wasn’t too loud and obnoxious but just enough to make people look, when she laughed she meant it and he loved it,

“Stop being moody then!” She sighed crawling up the bed and dropping herself next to him, he grabbed the ash tray and lighter placing it between them, “Crack the window will ye”

They lit up huddling close together, she leant against him blowing smoke rings,

“d’ya know where Kearney got to last night?”

“Not a clue, one minute he was there then he was gone” she screwed her face up “Jesis, I’m starving”

“I’ll buy breakfast if ye fancy it?”

She stopped and thought for a moment,

“I dunno Matthew, don’t feel like you owe me anything”

“Angel!”

“What? I’m playing!”

He smiled,

“We can try again if you like?”

He shocked himself with how forward he was being, he wanted the ground to open up and swallow him, you do not proposition your best friend! His thoughts rushed, she never thought of it that way surely, she didn’t, but her silence was anxiety inducing,

“What like a couple?”

Fuck! He felt his temperature rise,

“No!” he laughed “fuck that! Like…friends with benefits”

He wanted to smash his face into the wall for being so cheesy. She laughed again, feigning shock and stubbing her joint out,

“You’re such a dick, get to fuck!”

Relief flooded his body, she leant her head on his chest and threw her arm over him, he would have happily stayed this way forever, feeling himself melt as the high set in.


	10. Ten - Run Rabbit Run.

_“_ _He promised that he'd watch over you  
Turned out to be the fox we all knew_

_If I've got to be true, what chance did you stand?  
Tall guy, tall tailed, get out while you can._

_Run rabbit run, as fast as you can. Don't look back.  
Run rabbit run, as fast as you can. Don't look back.” The Hoosiers_

****

****

She flashed her winning smile and waved as a car pulled up next to her, the window rolled down,

“Alright there darling, you up for some fun?”

“Always!” she beamed “Where you taking me?”

“well that depends on how much you’re charging me”

She felt her soul roll its eyes, if you’re lonely enough to get a prostitute, and not even one of the high end ones from the other side of town it shouldn’t really matter, although there was something in this mystery mans eyes that told her he had money, his car was nothing special but it was well looked after, from what she could see anyway,

“two hundred and fifty euro”

That was slightly higher than usual but she was pushing her luck,

“Tell you what gorgeous I’ll do two two five?”

She smirked and rolled her eyes, that was more than she usually got,

“Deal”

He smiled back

“Get in then!”

They chatted casually, as the streets rolled by. He had let her control the radio, she was allowed to smoke in his car, she was living the life! She had some clients in the past who acted as though they were doing her a favour, laying down stupid rules “so their wives didn’t find out” then don’t bring prostitutes to your house dickhead!, for the oldest profession in the world it didn’t half have some stigma attached to it, she was looked down on and ashamed and that irritated her.

He seemed okay, she learned his name was Dwayne, stupid name, but she complimented him nevertheless,

“That’s not a name you hear very often, its unusual I like it”

he made stupid jokes and kept the conversation flowing, almost made her job too easy, some of the men were sleazy.

He was a labourer and had a little brother, his mum has passed so he felt paternal towards his younger brother,

“That’s sweet!”

She smiled warmly, putting her hand on his as he changed gear. He pulled in to a dark car park, near the sea wall, she liked knowing where she was at least that way if things turned sour she knew how to get back to safety, although rocking up at a pals house having been battered and raped wasn’t ideal she would happily take the shame of explaining her career choice to Rez or Matthew than spend the night sat in a cell or a hospital ward.

Dwayne leant towards her gently cupping her face, he kissed her, softly at first but after a few seconds his hunger grew, she smiled in to the kiss, catching herself thinking of Matthew, he pulled away,

“Shall we take this to the back?”

She nodded, in her mind she made her peace, she felt it melodramatic but since her run in with Chris she took no chances, you never know and it would be a stretch for her to get in to heaven as it was so she made a point of making a last minute plea deal. 

With her eyes squeezed shut, she shuddered to a climax, Dwayne laughed to himself pulling out, there was a first for everything, and that was the first client who had actually made her cum with minimal acting required and the first time she had done anything and kept thinking of Matthew, they had had a few hook ups in the past couple of weeks but it was all just a bit of fun wasn’t it? He was just there to satisfy her needs and she was just as disposable to him, she pushed the thought to the back of her mind, she couldn’t afford to be emotionally vulnerable on the job, she giggled hitching her bra strap back on to her shoulder, she didn’t ache, her stomach didn’t hurt and she genuinely thought she would be able to enjoy the job for a while,

“do ye know what gorgeous, you’ve definitely earned the money, well worth every penny” she blushed “where do ye want dropping off?”

Matthew groaned and rolled over, his phone vibrated on the bedside table, he reached out blindly,

“Hello?”

“Matthew, did I wake ye?”

“No ye bollocks its only three am I was just getting ready to sky dive!”

“You’re such a prick, look if I spring for a cab can you come over?”

His brow furrowed, Angel didn’t sound upset, he rubbed his eye,

“Yeah, is everything okay?”

“Yeah” she went silent for a minute “Me ma’s not home yet and I’m feeling a little bit lonely”

“right okay” he sat himself up “Give me a minute to get dressed”

He hung up and rolled out of bed, creeping around pulling clothes on and grabbing his rolling stuff, he knew exactly where to step to avoid creaky floor boards, he crept in to the kitchen snatching a can of coke from the fridge, he swished some water around his mouth, there was no way for him to brush his teeth in silence, he grabbed his hoodie and waited silently at the end of the drive. The driver gave him a funny look as he climbed in, probably wasn’t expecting to be picking up an 18 year old at 3 am, Matthew smiled quickly towards him as he fasted his seatbelt, the drive was silent and awkward, he distracted himself, counting the number of bins they passed on the short journey. Tedious.

Her phone bleeped next to her, her stomach twisted,

_“Outside xxx”_

She grabbed her purse and made her way out to pay the driver. She Knew what she needed to do now, she wanted to make it official, she wanted Matthew to herself, put all this shit behind her, she could get a job, along side his shifts at the garage they could stretch to a studio flat somewhere.


	11. Eleven - Trouble.

_“Well there I might lay low_   
_Well I guess we'll wait and see_   
_Wherever it is I go_   
_Seems there's trouble finding me_   
_I know I got time to run_   
_But I know I got time to breathe_   
_There's no time like the present_   
_To make this trouble stand up and leave” – Jamie T_

She never told him, they smoked they cuddled, they slept but nothing had come of it, she didn’t have the guts, now she stayed distant out of fear of saying something stupid. She had to wait for the right time, a perfect excuse to see him again.

-

Kearney sighed loudly, twitching in the chair as he stretched, Matthew glanced at him,

“What?”

“Nothing?”

He side eyed his friend suspiciously, he had been unusually cheerful the last few weeks, actually nice to be around, he hadn’t started on Rez or made any creepy comments, towards angel, well that was when they saw her, it had been a while, at least two weeks, Matthew had a suspicion she had found her self a fella, although if she had, the bloke was about to be hurt because as far as he was aware their flirty banter hadn’t come to a stop, although not seeing her for a while it was difficult to tell, for a moment he thought about messaging her, picking his phone up and quickly throwing it back down, if she wanted to hear from him, she would have been here by now, he wondered if everything was okay. He wasn’t used to radio silence from Angel, she usually messaged every day, panic rocked his insides briefly at the thought of her wrapped up with another bloke but he knew it was none of his business.

Kearney felt powerful, he enjoyed harbouring a secret, what he struggled with was biding his time, if he had his way he’d have **_“ANGEL IS A WHORE!”_** printed on a massive banner and hang it on the foot bridge close to town, he would have thrown the photos at Matthew and Rez, he then wouldn’t feel so bad about slicing her up, heat rose up his spine as he thought about the squelch her insides would make as he carved in to them, he could almost feel the warm splatter on his face and hear her screams ring in his ears, his imagination was becoming more vivid and his fantasies more bloody. More often than not, he couldn’t stop himself smirking, he looked down at the joint in his hand, he had just finished rolling but hadn’t mustered the energy to go out and smoke it yet. That was one shit thing about being at Matthews house, they had to smoke outside so his ma didn’t find out, although you’d have to be blind not to see that they were on drugs, all four of them, Rez was like a ghost, pale and tired always with a slight greasiness to his long dark hair. Matt always looked like he had just woken up from a bad dream, especially lately. Angel was incomprehensively energetic almost the complete opposite to himself, he just always felt drained and lethargic, he wondered if this was how Rez felt, with half the deep bullshit he spoke about it did make him wonder what sort of mental state he was in, how fucking blinding would it be if Rez topped himself? He was the one most likely to do it, his train of thought was interrupted by the image of Rez hanging limply from a tree, legs twitching eyes full of burst blood vessels and rolling back, neck slightly longer from the force of the drop and the inevitable snap on the way down, he caught himself smirking again.

-

“Ye alright there Richard?”

Rez nodded in the direction of his mums voice, he chewed at his finger consumed by his thoughts, what Kearney said about rape was still circling in his mind, if he wasn’t that sort of person why had that thought even occurred to him, even just as a joke, it wasn’t the sort of thing you joked about, not if you weren’t sick in the head anyway, he thought about telling his mum but quickly dismissed it, his mum, although sweet would definitely stop him from hanging around with Matthew and Angel not just Kearney, they would instantly be guilty by association and apart from the drugs and the drink, they were innocent. Maybe he should tell Matthew.

Matthews phone beeped loudly next to him,

_“rave tonight down at the old docks? U in? xxx”_

He smiled to himself feeling a bit stupid for being so paranoid, he quickly typed out a response,

_“Always, meet u at urs at 8?? Should I invite Rez and Kearney?? Xxx”_

_“Yeah they loved it last time. No worries, see u soon xxxx”_

He shot a look over to Kearney, trying hard to remain neutral, trying not to let the sheer joy and relief he felt show on his face, he cleared his throat,

“There’s a rave at the old docks tonight, Angels just messaged me and told me, ye coming?”

Kearney rolled his eyes,

“She’s barked her orders has she?” Matthew looked at him confused “Yeah why not it’ll be worth a laugh, you inviting the goth?”

“If ye mean Rez then yeah, he’s just replied and told me he’s coming, we’re meeting at Angels at eight”

Kearney nodded slowly, slapping his hands on to his thighs,

“I’m gonna go home and shower then, Ill see ye there in a bit man”

“Yeah no bother see ye’s later”

Angel sang happily, finishing applying the last of her makeup, she stood in front of the mirror admiring her form, bralette and holographic leggings, she grinned, wishing she could dress like this all the time, she was either in tiny dresses and lingerie or oversized hoodies and jeans, made jump by a bang on the front door, she bounced down the stairs,

“They’re early”

She thought glancing at her phone, it was only half seven, she pulled the door open, no one, she poked her head out glancing up and down the quiet street, not a soul, looking down she spotted a brown envelope, her name written on it in red marker, the lettering was scratchy like it was written in a rush, her brow furrowed, she opened it carefully, there were a few photos, she examined them confused, her heart lurching in to her throat and her body consumed by nausea, she flushed warm, the photos were her, in Dwayne’s car mid fuck! There were photos of her taking cash from him, on the back of the final photo, in the same red ink and scratchy writing was scrawled,

  
_“I know all your secrets x”_


	12. Twelve - Movement.

_“I'm moving while you talk ya talk  
Don't talk shit gon' break ya jaw  
I'm moving up and on the run  
Somebody better help me son  
I'm moving up and on the run  
Somebody better save me son  
Who cares if ya trace my same steps  
Some days I wake up brain dead  
Hook me up on life support  
Will somebody tell me what I'm fightin' for” Oliver Tree._

****

She stood in the kitchen, staring at the wall, who could have possibly taken those photos? And why? She wasn’t one for going around upsetting people, like ever, she always tried to be generous and kind for this very reason, she rubbed at her neck sighing, she hadn’t even rolled the fags she was going to, she’d just buy a packet of tailors in the shop on the way, she’d get packets for her friends too because that’s what she done, cheerful loving and friendly that’s what she was, so why had someone turned and how did they know where she lived?

A bang on the door tore her from her thoughts, she rubbed her neck and flipped her hair over her shoulder padding through the house to answer it, smiling back at her were Kearney, Matt and Rez, she faked a smile,

“Well aint ye’s all a sight for sore eyes, come in lads, me ma’s out and I’ve got plenty in for pre drinks!”

She moved out of the way, catching wafts of their different aftershaves as they passed her, Matt stopped in front of her, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close, he squeezed her gently. Nuzzling in to her neck he whispered,

“Jesis I’ve missed ye!”

She smiled, feeling her heart rate settle again, there was that familiar safety she felt with him, she didn’t want to let him go,

“Matthew! Put her down!”

Rez laughed from the kitchen, he knew where everything was kept and had already started a round a drinks, Kearney was rolling smokes in the corner smiling to himself, she tried to settle her racing mind,

“Tonight will be a good night”

She kept chanting to herself in her head, trying to shake the nausea that had settled in her stomach.

That night Rez kept his distance from Kearney, he was more than happy to sit alone in the corner nursing a warm bottle of beer than pretend to be he friend, he smiled to himself watching Angel and Matthew dance, they probably thought they looked like something out of one of the step up films but they couldn’t have been more wrong, it looked as though they were trying to hold each other up! He chuckled watching as they burst in to laughter, standing slowly, he walked over to them, throwing his arms up and roaring, trying to trick himself and them that he was having a good time, truth be told he wanted to go home, nothing had been the same since, Kearney had mentioned rape and he was almost certain he was becoming more deranged as the days went on, more unpredictable and volatile,

“I’m gonna make a move”

He shouted, Angel looked disappointed,

“Don’t go! We’re about to get more yolks!”

He laughed

“That is the last thing either of you need!”

“I’ve not taken anything!” Matthew roared back jovially “Special night!”

Angel agreed with Rez silently, she was so close to bursting at the seams and breaking down telling Matthew and Rez everything, especially now someone was taking photos, she needed to tell them before anyone else did, keeping up a chipper appearance she shouted back,

“Just stay for one more dance!”

He rolled his eyes half heartedly shaking his hips and wiggling his arms, she exploded in to laughter,

“Richard!!”

“Fine last dance!”

Kearney watched from a distance, they danced they laughed they shared drinks, Rez was meant to be leaving but had decided to stay, he wanted Rez to leave, he palmed the flick knife in his pocket, Rez was always his first target because of how much of a squib he was, with his faux deepness and intelligence he had always stunk of pretention, Kearney hadn’t really liked Rez since they were about 14, since they started the drugs and drink, it really opened his eyes to the real side of the people he called his friends, Matthew would happily throw anyone under the bus to get what he wanted, Rez was up himself and had a god complex and Angel was a whore and that was a good enough reason in his book for her to make the list, Matthew beckoned him over, gesturing that they had more pills, he sauntered over to join them, these pills had better be worth it!

They dropped Rez home, waving him off as he snuck back in to the darkened house, walking three abreast along the pavement, they were silent,

_“Just do it there’s no one around, bash him over the head and kerb him and when she screams spark the silly slut out!”_

Kearney’s thoughts amused him as tempting as it was to batter the pair of them here and now, he was painfully aware of the cctv cameras that surrounded them, he wanted notoriety for something bigger, not just assault, he wanted the stupid little girls wetting their drawers over him as he was marched to death row, he wanted the macabre fan clubs like Bundy and Dahmer and assault just wasn’t going to do that, he would just be a street thug and he was miles better than that.


	13. Thirteen - The Lourve

_“Our thing progresses  
I call and you come through  
Blow all my friendships  
To sit in hell with you  
But we're the greatest  
They'll hang us in the Louvre   
Down the back, but who cares - still the Louvre  
Okay I know that you are not my type (still I fall)  
I'm just the sucker who let you fill her mind (but what about love?)  
Nothing wrong with it  
Supernatural  
Just move in close to me, closer, you'll feel it coasting” Lorde_

****

The second Kearney was out of sight Matthews hand slipped in to hers, she never resisted, never even tried to fight it, she just enjoyed the wave of warmth that washed over her, he was always so warm, it was a comfort to her, he smiled to her,

“You’re quiet”

“Yeah” she sighed “Could just be the drink and the pills talking but I always feel a little bit bad when we drop Kearney off, he can’t have a happy home”

“I’m sure he’s fine, lets be fair, the kid is mental! I feel sorry for anyone who tries to hurt him, hell rip their heads off and film it for YouTube!”

She chuckled he wasn’t wrong, Kearney could definitely hold his own when it came to being physical, he was a stocky lad with a short fuse, no one usually squared up to him.

“Come on let’s just get home I’m freezing!”

She stated picking up her pace,

“Should’ve bought a coat then” He smirked trailing slightly behind her, “I’m glad I did!” he pulled his jacket tighter round himself,

“Dick!”

She giggled, her eyes sweeping up towards the sky, there was a lilac haze now, it would be daylight soon, he just watched in silence as she marvelled at the fading stars, he smiled at her, in the silence of the early morning there was a beautiful innocence to her, the freckles on her nose and the fly away hairs, she’d never pass for 18 without ID. He draped his jacket over her shoulders.

Matthew wasn’t too different, he still had boyish good looks, clear skin and dark thick wavy hair, he was charming, knew how to have a laugh and was affectionate and intelligent.

At least they all were before the drugs, and even that was Kearney’s doing. Alright they could have said no, told him he was a bollocks and to get to fuck but they didn’t, they were 14 all trying to prove themselves. Looking back no one had a clue what they were trying to prove to begin with and now they were all floating along on a cocktail of substances, like a buffet in a pharmacy, they would try whatever they could get their hands on, Matthew wondered if they had forgotten who they were before all that, Rez or Richard as he was back then wanted to be a journalist, he had several notebooks of essays he had written, all stashed away neatly in chronological order. Matthew wanted to be a mechanic, a proper one, not like the shifts he’s on now, wiping windscreens and checking dipsticks, he wanted to be elbow deep in the engine bay of a classic car. Angel had probably been the most ambitious, Matthew can’t even remember seeing her at school, or even around the school site and yet she still wanted to go in to mental health nursing. All Kearney wanted to do was shag about and smoke his life away, there was talk of him being a video game designer and Matthew often thought to himself he’d be brilliant at it because he had the imagination, they all lacked the drive now though.

-

“so basically, what I’m saying is, do ye wanna make it official? Like exclusive?” Matthew rubbed the back of his neck, his cheeks flushing spread a heat that made his skin prickle “Like be my girlfriend”

She sat opposite him, hands in her lap, picking gently around her nails, biting her lip trying to supress a smile, at least one of them had the courage to do it, she watched him squirm for a moment, looking at the red in his cheeks, she nodded eagerly, pulling her lips in and letting out a happy sigh,

“Yeah…Yeah that would be grand!”

A smile spread across his face, the phrase ear to ear could have been based on him in that moment, he stood sweeping her from her seat and holding her close, peppering her face with kisses, between bursts of laughter, she stopped admiring him, a face she had looked at so often, she could remember every minute detail with her eyes closed. As five am drew near they settled in to her bed, wrapped in swathes of duvet and blankets euphoria distracted him from the existentialism. They slept.

She shuffled downstairs, in to the kitchen, her mouth dry and chest tight, she sniffed and sighed feeling as though she had just been dug up, she never learned, go hard and suffer the next day, she had left Matthew asleep, he almost looked angelic, a small smile came to her lips when she thought back to the early hours of that morning, _her boyfriend Matthew,_

“Afternoon, nice of you to join me!”

Her mum smiled as she walked in to the kitchen, she glanced at the clock, 14:36, she wasn’t surprised they didn’t go to sleep until gone 6am,

“Like you can talk!” she laughed “What time did ye get home?”

Her mum glanced up at the clock,

“About ten minutes ago”

She smirked taking a swig of tea from the mug in her hand, Angel shook her head tutting,

“Alana! What am I gonna do with you?”

“Erm that’s mammy to you and I couldn’t help it!” she shrugged “He was a good tipper! And a good _tipper!”_

Angel looked at her in fake disgust,

“Mammy!...Fair play!”

Alana laughed watching as her daughter pulled two mugs out of the cupboard,

“Did you bring a fella home?”

Angel smiled side eyeing her mum playfully

“What’s it to ye?”

She put the cup of tea down on the side and lit a cigarette excited, she offered the packet to her daughter who took one,

“Who is it? What’s he like?”

“It’s only Matthew ma!”

“Only Matthew! What are ye like, I know how ye feel about that boy, only bloody Matthew! I tell ye you two are the only “best friends” I know who share a bed!”

Angel laughed taking a pull from the cigarette in her hand,

“We’re not best friends anymore Mammy!”

“Why did ye fuck him?”

Angel stopped, rolling her eyes towards the ceiling, her mouth pulling down in the corners as if she were counting in her head,

“Errrm couple of times yeah!”

Her mum whooped with laughter,

“Angel! Ye dirty dog!”

Angel laughed along,

“It’s fine though”

“How? I’ve never fucked my best friend!”

“Cause we made it official last night, that’s why he’s not my best friend anymore!”

It felt wonderful to say, Angel’s heart fluttered as the words fell from her mouth.


	14. Fourteen - For Now

_“All I need to know, she's dead to me  
Eyes are runnin' strange, head's drivin' me insane  
All I need to say, in every way  
Don't come running 'round my door, I'll kick your head into the floor_

_Through my vein, it's never been  
Quite like what I need to be, I'll send your bones to the sea  
Maybe, you'll never know  
I have been lost and found, I'll send my heart out to the hounds_

_If I am nothing, you are no one” – DMA’s_

**__ **

****

Even though the age gap was only a few months Rez was the oldest of the group and despite his tryst with Angel a couple of years ago he still looked on her as a baby sister, Matthew was the same. Rez was the big brother and the protector, so why hadn’t he spoken up about Kearney? It was still playing on his mind. In the rare moments of clarity he had now he definitely knew something was wrong with that boy and he couldn’t shake the feeling that he was capable of things that any of them had yet to even imagine. Kearney was the main source of Rez’s anxiety at the moment, why wouldn’t he just fuck off? Why wouldn’t Rez stand up to him? He thought, pretty rationally, that Kearney was volatile and unpredictable, he had a lot more muscle behind him than Rez and age didn’t matter when it came to violence, Kearney would flatten him!

As if he were boiling over Rez stopped dead, Kearney hadn’t noticed and walked forward a few paces, wide menacing strides, Rez gulped,

“Kearney? Did ye mean what ye said?”

Kearney stopped and turned slowly to look at him, a confused frown on his face,

“What? When I said what?”

Rez took a breath, trying to stand firm, trying not to show he was anxious about getting a clout, a clout he could recover from but he was concerned he may get worse than that, it was all down to Kearney’s mood,

“Months ago at the rave, did ye mean what ye said when ye said you’d rape Angel?”

Kearney looked at him with disgust, he took a few shuffling steps forward, Rez stood tall, refusing to back down now, even if he did think he had made a mistake in even bringing it up,

“What? Are ye jokin’? of course I fucking didn’t ye gimp! Is this why ye been so off with me ye think I’m some sort of mad rapist?”

Rez hadn’t even realised he was holding his breath until that moment,

“I’m just worried about ye is all!”

Rez lied, trying to cover up the fact he genuinely believed this boy was capable of raping someone,

“Well don’t be, I wouldn’t do that to anyone”

He smirked as he turned away, Rez narrowed his eyes feeling like he hadn’t achieved much by asking him, of course he wasn’t going to admit to that and why had he smirked? If someone had asked him if he was a rapist he would be livid, he’d never want to speak to the person again if they thought they lowly of him, but nothing, not a glimmer of anger or shock, Kearney just carried on walking,

“Come on ye goth! Matt and Angel will already been there by now!”

The fact that they were now an item made Kearney so much more excited to carry out his plan, he was waiting for Matt to be proper in love with her before he dropped the bombshell but in the meantime he’d keep dropping off the photos he had several and ramp up Angel’s paranoia a little bit, watch her squirm, then when she starts to fall apart come clean to her, but that bit had to be done in private, Dwayne wanted in on that bit, _“I’ve done the hard bit, you’re just creeping about!”_ they hadn’t decided how they were going to tell her, then he was going to keep reminding her that he knew her secret and had the power to ruin her so she needed to keep herself in check. It was all so perfect! He had the opportunity to destroy both of them in one hit and if they dared as so much even mention the police, he would kill them both, that bit he had thought about, it wasn’t going to be quick and easy he wanted them to suffer and he wanted the other to watch, he just hadn’t decided which was going to die first. He wanted to mangle angel, beat her cut her burn her, he didn’t want her to be recognisable by the end, he felt given how delicate Matt could be, Matt would be the one to watch, especially given he had turned in to a pussy whipped puppy now, that would probably be the best way to do it…he may have sex with her…he wasn’t sure.

The four of them spent the day on the coast, soaking up the last of what little sun the summer had to offer, laying on the sand, enjoying their gentle high, all but Kearney had agreed not to go to hard. Matthew didn’t see the point in it anymore, he had a few pulls on a joint that was offered to him but he felt like it was ruining things now, barely being able to remember his early teenage years, apart from the odd flash of throwing up or coping off with someone he usually wouldn’t, seemed like a waste to him, most people his age would have seen it as time well spent but he didn’t see it that way anymore, it was like Angel had given him a sense of clarity. Rez seemed to slow down too, maybe this is what getting older was about, slowing down and wanting different things, all Matthew wanted to do now, was save for a place for him and Angel and spend time indoors watching films. They had practically claimed Angels house, her mum was never there and between them they were doing the food shop. He often wondered where Angel got her money from, she had explained that an uncle had left her a lump sum when he died but he wasn’t so sure, he had been meaning to ask but it never seemed to be the right time or he could never find the right words.


	15. Fifteen - Sign of the Times.

_“Simon says, everyone wants to know what's coming next  
Feel like a kid, underwater tryna hold my breath  
And everyday's another war, another life too cruel to live  
In every way I wanted more, wanted more than Laura did  
We still know, she's a sign of the times_

_But I wish I'd been a little more exceptional  
And I wish I'd been a little unconventional  
But I was not enough  
No I'm not enough  
No I'm not enough  
I was never enough” Jamie T_

“What are ye burning?”

Matthews voice made her jump, she turned quickly dropping the third lot of photos that had come through the door in to the pile of glowing ash at her feet,

“Just some letters from the bank” She lied with a smile “They’re old but they’ve got my account number and everything on”

“Why don’t ye just buy a shredder like my da’s got?”

_Cause your da isn’t trying to destroy photos of himself mid fuck Matthew!_

“I just prefer doing this, I know its gone then, gone for good!”

She caught herself at the end of her sentence, stopping the tears before they formed properly, she had been thinking a lot recently, she had managed to get herself a few shifts in a hair salon, it wasn’t much and the pay cut was huge but it was honest and it protected him, she wasn’t due to start for another week, she had seen her last client the week before, he handed her the money and she handed it back, she stood grabbed her coat and walked away, she knew she was at the end of her time now, she had done it for long enough, she had been beaten, raped and abused but never blackmailed and now there was a lot more at risk, she had lost count of the amount of bruises the amount of tears, she only done it because it seemed like natural progression, _like mother like daughter,_ she still had to break the news to her yet, she was gonna be pissed, they had gone in to it together this time, it wasn’t her mums first time by any stretch, but now Angel was tired, she didn’t want to be used anymore, even the money wasn’t enough to keep her doing it any more, she just wanted to be happy and do normal things with Matthew and Rez, she wanted to cheer Rez on at his graduation, she wanted to see Matthew grin as he was handed the keys to his own garage and none of that would be possible with this weighing her down. 

As the evening drew in Matthew left to spend the night at his, he was there one or two nights a week now, he had virtually moved in with Angel and she had become accustomed to washing his clothes and cooking for him, his favourite was sausages and colcannon and she was happy to oblige. Her mum stumbled in and kissed the girl on the cheek, her stomach lurched knowing the conversation that would soon follow, she wasn’t expecting it to go down well, which should have been a red flag itself, who actively encourages their daughter in to sex work? She tried to rationalise it, her mum would understand, she wouldn’t be mad.

Alana collapsed on the sofa fresh out of the shower, wrapped in a fluffy dressing gown, she closed her eyes and put her hand on her forehead, Angel looked at her, she was starting to look older than she was, her hair was brittle with bleach and her frame was slight, with no makeup on her sallow skin was obvious, it hurt angel to see the truth, the dark purple scars the bags under her eyes, she didn’t want to be like that, she wanted normality and stability, she had made a drastic change in what she wanted in life, she now wanted marriage and kids, she didn’t want to continue this meagre existence, she wanted to actually live, she wanted to experience things, she didn’t want to be constantly carried by clouds of smoke anymore, she adjusted herself on the arm chair,

“Mammy? We need a chat, I have things I need to tell ye”

Alana looked over concerned sitting herself up,

“God ye not pregnant are ye?”

Angel cocked her head, closed her eyes briefly and shook it,

“No mammy! No! it’s important to me and it’s life changing and I don’t think you’ll see it that way”

Her voice thickened with emotion, fear gripped her,

“What is it? What’s the matter?”

She took a breath in,

“I’ve got a new job Ma, I’m dropping out of the game”

She didn’t need to look up to know her mothers expression had changed drastically,

“Why though? I thought ye were doing well? It’s not because of Matthew is it? Has he shamed ye for it? Cause if he has I’ll have a word! He should be thankful to have such a pretty girl who’s earning the amount you do!”

Angel looked at her in shock, it dawned on her that her mother had no morals or loyalty and it made sense why her father had run off, that’s if Alana even knew who he was!

“Yes Matthew is a big part of it Mammy, I want to be faithful to him, I want this to fucking last! I’ve waited long enough, but there’s other reasons too!”

“Like what?”

Alana’s tone had changed she was becoming aggravated, feeling almost betrayed by Angel’s sudden change of heart,

“It doesn’t matter, I just know this life isn’t for me anymore, it’s not what I want, the money is nice but I give you most of it!”

“To pay the bills!”

“My bills are paid Mammy! I do the shopping, I pay my phone bill, I put the gas and electric on, all you have to do is rent and even that is a struggle for ye! I don’t want this for my kids! I want them to go to school and work!”

“so ye saying I never gave ye a nice life, why are ye doing this!”

“I’m not saying that but it could have been better! I’m being fucking blackmailed mammy! Fucking blackmailed!”

She flopped back in the arm chair clamping her hands over her face, trying to stop herself from crying, her eyes prickled with heat, Alana moved slowly towards her, sitting on the arm of the chair she pulled her in to a tight hug, Angel broke, she cried in to her mothers chest finally feeling the release that she hadn’t realised she needed.


	16. Sixteen - Abducted

_“I knew right then that she'd been abducted_

_I knew right then that I would be taking her heart_

_I knew right then that I'd never love her_

_No reasons to hope, no dream was bliss from the start” – Cults._

“so who’s doing it then? How do you know?”

Angel shrugged, trying to catch her breath from the tears,

“I don’t know who it is but they keep posting photos through the door of me with clients and I can’t let that get out mammy, I need to protect Matthew from this”

“People know my girl, whether they say it or not, they would have heard it from their friends and they will see you in the street and they will know”

“I know that but no one has ever mentioned it and I don’t want the stigma attached to Matt, like at all, he didn’t make this choice I did and he shouldn’t have to deal with the fall out from it”

Alana nodded, she had begun to come around to Angel’s way of thinking, her precious girl was 18 years old, she shouldn’t have been doing this she should have been at school, the poor thing didn’t even have her junior cert and most of the blame fell to Alana, she had been so clouded by bailiffs and loan sharks that she put her own priceless commodity on the market for pennies, it wasn’t just the money, she had been stripped of normal teenage experiences and she couldn’t blame her for wanting that now, she had a taste of stability and wanted more, Alana supported her in her decision knowing she would have to work harder now but Angel’s happiness came first.

-

Angel walked back through town, her feet and shoulders aching from the work she had done throughout the day, she had a sense of pride and a spring in her step, she was a normal girl and she had enjoyed it, sweeping hair and making cups of tea for the little old dears who had came in for their blue rinse, one had even given her a five euro tip, she felt like she had earned it properly, she turned in to an alley making her way to the supermarket to get some flowers for her mum, the sense of normality was overwhelming and still felt shiny and new, she had just left work and was on her way to meet her boyfriend from work so they could go home for dinner and settle down in front of the telly for the evening, an early night ready for her to venture to the college tomorrow, she was enrolling on an access course to get her junior cert, Matthew was going with her, he beamed with pride when she told him her plan and she was excited. Some would call it boring but she would call it content.

A shadow crossed her path making her look up,

“Stranger!”

“Kearney”

She carried on walking, him following and keeping step with her,

“Where have you been?”

“At work?”

“And sucking Matthew off no doubt!”

He laughed, she grimaced,

“Charming!”

“I’ve heard ye good at that!”

She furrowed her brow and glanced over at his smug face, could he be the blackmailer? She thought, quickly changing her mind, he didn’t have the brain capacity to pull that off, he would have boasted to someone about it by now and dropped himself in it,

“Where did ye hear that?”

“Rez told me”

He laughed, she rolled her eyes

“What do you want?”

He smiled, turning on the charm,

“not seen ye in a while, wondered if ye wanted to go for a smoke? Be nice to catch up”

_Come on ye silly slut just say yes!_ He knew exactly what she had been up to, this chance encounter was about a week in the making, tonight he was going to reveal himself as her blackmailer and he was going to make her suffer, he could barely contain himself, the only reason he hadn’t bashed her over the head was because Dwayne was waiting for them in the gardens. She glanced at her watch, she had 45 minutes until she had to meet Matthew, she could spare half an hour,

“Fine but I haven’t got long, I’ve got to meet Matthew and go in to Tesco”

He smiled at her, letting out a chuckle,

“I wont be keeping ye just a quick catch up, feels like forever since I’ve seen ye!”

His warmth was endearing, maybe she was judging him too harshly.

They sat on a bench close to the middle of the gardens, Kearney skinned up whilst talking shit, she nodded and said yes in the right places, it was nice to see him being so enthusiastic about someyhing other than beheadings and bombings,

“Ye want some?”

He moved the joint towards her, she clutched her hand bag a little closer to her chest a sudden sense of impending doom looming over her, something didn’t feel right, she shook her head,

“Better not, I’m up early tomorrow, I’ve got some tailors in my bag I’ll have one of them, thanks though”

She pulled her packet out, looking at her watch she lit a cigarette,

“Whatcha up to tomorrow?”

He asked his eyes boring in to her, she shifted away from him slightly,

“I’m…erm…I’m going to the college with Matthew”

“Oh nice, why?”

“I’m going to do an access course, get my junior cert”

“Good for you!”

“it’s been nice seeing ye but…Matthew…he’ll be waiting for me now”

She moved to stand up, his hand clamping on her shoulder pulling her down,

“He can wait”


	17. Seventeen - Cherry Wine.

_“Open hand or closed fist would be fine  
Blood is rare and sweet as cherry wine._

_Her fight and fury is fiery  
Oh but she loves  
Like sleep to the freezing  
Sweet and right and merciful  
I'm all but washed  
In the tide of her breathing” Hozier_

She sat, picking her nails, watching as Kearney took deep pulls from his second joint, the smoke floated lazily through the air, there was a stillness,

“Kearney I’ve got to go!”

She pleaded,

“In a minute, I’ve got someone who wants to meet ye, he’ll be along in a minute”

As if on cue a shadowy figure appeared, moving quickly through the dark towards them, as the figure grew closer, relief swept over her, she smiled pretending she was just having a smoke with a friend,

“Dwayne!” she stood and hugged him “how are you?”

She stared directly in to his eyes, silently begging him to notice something wasn’t right,

“Angel” There was a tone in his voice that added to the heavy atmosphere, she looked at him confused, he shoved her back on to the bench, the wood hitting her spine “Didn’t know you were pals with my brother!”

She glanced at Kearney the hairs on her neck standing on end,

“Wait…what?”

“Oh yeah me and Angel go way back, not as far back as she went in your car though bruv!”

He cackled, her heart lurched as things settled in to place,

“It was you!”

“what?”

“You’re the blackmailer!” Bile rose in her throat as venom bubbled through her veins “I should have fucking guessed! You’re fucking depraved Kearney” She smiled standing from the bench again, leaning forward her eyes level with his “Although, fair play to ye, I didn’t think ye had the brain cells!”

Matthew paced up and down outside the garage, everyone else had left, the dark had rolled in and rain was starting to come down, he sighed and looked at the time, twenty five minutes he had been waiting for her and still no sign, not a text not a call nothing, he ignored the nagging worry in the back of his mind up until now, he pulled his phone out and typed out a message,

_“Rez you seen Angel?”_

He waited a few moments for a reply guessing that Rez had probably crashed out, something he had a habit of doing, he’d get out of the shower lay on his bed and drift off for a few hours only waking when the cold got to him later that night.

He scrolled his contact list clicking on Alana’s number, he chewed at his thumb nail as it rang,

“Hello?”

“Hi Laan, its Matthew sorry to call, listen you’ve not seen Angel have ye?”

She paused for a moment, Matthew could hear music in the background and assumed she was at work,

“No love, I’ve not, not since yesterday, everything okay?”

“Yeah she was meant to meet me at the garage after work but she’s not shown up yet”

“Ugh! That girl! I swear! She probably running late love, don’t worry too much, if she’s not there in the next half an hour give me a ring, but listen honey I’ve got to go I’m at work”

“Yeah no worries, I’ll let ye know, Bye!”

The line went dead, he sighed and made his way towards the salon, it wasn’t a long walk, around 20 minutes, he pulled his hood up as the rain came down harder, his feet sloshing against the pavement he picked up speed.

Kearney moved with such speed it took Angel a moment to register what had happened, he had hit her, a clean sharp hit to her cheek bone, she stumbled back shocked, Dwayne caught her keeping her up right, restrained she pushed against him, he just gripped her tighter, she tried to stay bold, she tried not to show him he was getting to her,

“What’s the fucking point Kearney? What do ye think is gonna happen here?”

He lit another joint,

“Oh I know what’s gonna happen angel, I’m gonna explain a few things to ye and you’re gonna nod and agree or everyone and I mean everyone, is gonna see ye photos, cause lets be fair, my brother is a known scumbag anyway, he doesn’t care if he gets caught with a prozzie, but you?” He chuckled again “imagine how Matthew is gonna look at ye, imagine what people will say about him” he continued to circle in front of her like a vulture over a corpse “the embarrassment that poor boy is about to go through, the sheer humiliation, isn’t it amazing!” he stood in front of her grabbing her face in one hand forcing her to look at him “Truth be told Angel I’ve always had a soft spot for ye but you were never interested!”

“Yeah brilliant” she was painfully aware of how late she was to meet Matthew “I. need. To. Go. Kearney, I’ll keep ye poxy secret I won’t tell anyone I’ve seen ye if ye let me go, there’ll be no change you’ll get away with it right?”

“Nah, I’m gonna have some fun first”

A blow to the gut knocked the air out of her, she doubled forward, spewing as she did.

The salon was closed, the shutters down and the whole place in darkness, Matthew sighed he tried ringing her again not holding out a lot of hope in getting a response,

_“Hey sorry I can’t come to the-“_

He huffed loudly, stomping in the direction of her house, maybe she had forgotten to meet him, maybe he’d get home and she would jump off of the sofa in horror suddenly remembering the minute she laid eyes on him.

It felt like fireworks had been let off in her skull, she ached, she was cold but she felt as though she got off lightly, her temple throbbed and her face felt sticky, she had a rough idea of where she was, she gripped the strap of her bag on her shoulder, keeping her head down, she moved through the streets, she was used to people starring, but that was usually because she was wearing something revealing not because she was soaking wet and covered in her own blood. She felt shame creep up on her, the deal was no police, no telling friends, she was randomly attacked, then Matthew would be safe and so would her secret.


	18. Eighteen - Blown Away

_“How can I protect you when I'm lost in the crowd?  
I never let my feelings change you so I know  
Mystified in a winter haze  
The gust of you brought my heart back round  
But I'm still coming down  
Thinking how we lost this place  
To find your lonely turning in the night  
But I still need to fight  
How can I protect you when I'm lost in the crowd?  
I never had the chance to fake it so you know  
It's all blown away” - DMA’s_

“Alright fucking hell! I’m coming Jesis Christ!!” Rez shouted as he bounded down the stairs, the banging on the door had been relentless for the last three minutes or so, he pulled the latch and yanked the door open, the cold hitting him as he did “What!”

He gasped as his brain pieced together the sight in front of him, ponytail straggly and dripping, blouse sticking to her chest and heavily stained, he was certain it was missing a button, caked in blood a sad face peered back from the darkness,

“Rez? Can I come in?”

“Angel? What the fuck, get in now, come on!”

He shrugged off his dressing gown and bundled her in it, leading her up the stairs and in to the bathroom, she sat on the side of the bath shivering, her eyes fixed ahead of her, Rez riffled through the cabinet on the wall for antiseptic, she clutched his dressing gown,

“Do ye want a drink?”

He didn’t know what to do, he looked at his friend, completely shattered, he had never seen her so fragile, so vulnerable, she didn’t respond, she remained unmoved, tears still spilling down her cheeks, she sighed, dabbing at her head, an angry gape above her eyebrow became more obvious as he blotted the dried blood away,

“I need to ring Matthew” she whispered “He’s gonna be so mad”

“Why would he be mad?”

“I was supposed to meet him, we were meant to be normal”

Rez pulled her in to him,

“What happened Angel?”

“I don’t know, it was so fast”

“Didn’t ye see him?”

She grimaced thinking back to Kearney’s face contorted in to a seething rage,

“No, I don’t know who it was”

She lied, Rez nodded,

“I think were gonna have to go to the hospital”

She nodded, vacant again.

Matthew paced the living room, even Alana wasn’t answering now, he debated phoning the police but held off, they had all had a few run ins with the police before now and he had a feeling they wouldn’t take him seriously,

_“Kearn, have u seen Angel? Shez not back from work yet we were meant to meet up.”_

_“Nah not seen her m8 soz”_

He nearly choked with laughter, showing the message to Dwayne who joined in with the loud jovial squawks, where had she hidden herself? Not that he cared too much he had put his message across, he had gained control, now he just wondered how far he was going to take it.

Matthew flopped in to the arm chair staring at the ceiling, where could she have gotten to! His phone rang loudly from beside him, he jumped snatching it up and answering without looking

“Matt, I’ve got Angel here”

Matthew felt like he was going to explode, the worry melted away and made way for irritation,

“Thank god! Is she okay? What the fuck is she playing at man?”

“Look me and my ma are gonna take her to the hospital, we’ll come and get ye on our way through, where are ye?”

“The hospital! What the fuck Rez! What’s going on?”

“She’s fine she just needs a couple of stitches, where are ye Matthew we’re getting in the car”

“I’m at Angels! Hurry up!”

-

She looked so small, Rez’s mum had offered to wash her clothes and the jogging bottoms and hoodie he had lent to her swamped her, she slept peacefully, Matthew sat on the end of the bed, glancing at her, sadness striking him each time he glanced at her sore face, the bruising and swelling was beginning to blossom now, she had 4 stitches above her eyebrow and a back tooth missing, he couldn’t even begin to comprehend how frightened she must have been, although knowing Angel she probably went down swinging and swearing, it’d be easy to spot the man who had done it, he would be the one with the thick lip and black eye! Rez sat on the floor, gently stroking the sleeping dog across his lap,

“Somethings not right here Matthew!” Matthew stayed quiet watching over Angel as she slept, he nodded, sighing agreeing with his friend “And it’s not been right for a while”

Alana’s voice slipped up the stairs, Matthew stopped and listened as she stopped talking and foot steps approached, the door slowly creaked open, Kearney’s concerned face appeared,

“I’m sorry I would have got here sooner, I’ve just found out!”

Matthew half smiled at him,

“It’s alright, you’ve not missed much, she was stitched up, sent home and she’s been asleep since”

“What are ye’s like her guard dogs?”

“Nah just concerned friends”

Rez glared.

She stretched and winced, almost forgetting the pain for a second, she blinked a few times pain crashing in to her head,

“Ohh” she moaned “Ow!”

Matthew moved quickly to her side, sweeping her hair out of her face,

“Angel?” she looked at him and gave a small smile “Hello you, how’re ye feeling?”

“My head is killing me”

Matthew squeezed her hand, giving her a minute to come to.

Her memory was fractured, horrible shards of the attack flashed through her mind, she found small comfort in finding Matthew and Rez around her, they had waited and she adored them for it, a shadow in the corner caught her eye, looming like a storm cloud was Kearney, he smirked at her, everything came flooding back, her stomach dropped and her body throbbed reliving every minute detail from the hours prior,

“Nice to see ye awake!”

He said stepping closer to her,

“Yeah”

She replied in barely a whisper, unsure of what to say next, she wanted to scream, she wanted to cry but most of all she wanted to get up and deck him, how dare he, how dare he attack her how dare he turn up at her house and deny all knowledge, the boy was scum and in her eyes better off dead!

As Matthew and Rez left the room for a smoke, she trembled, Kearney sidled next to her pulling her close to him,

“There a nice cuddle fixes everything, doesn’t it?” His overly saccharine tone made her skin crawl, he forced her to look at him, grabbing her face and turning it towards him, admiring his work, “That shiner is a pretty colour, I’ve always thought that purple suited you” he laughed “I joke honestly you’re a mess girl! What did ye tell them?”

She took a sharp breath in terrified,

“Nothing, it was a randomer”

“Good girl” He sneered pushing her away again “And that was only the start”

hearing feet on the stairs again, he moved himself back to the end of the bed and pretended they were mid conversation as Rez Matthew and Alana walked back in,

“I tell ye she’s a lucky girl to have ye all! And you’ll have to give me your address Rez so I can send ye ma some flowers as a thank you for taking care of her, I couldn’t get away from work and I feel rotten, but never mind me, I’ll treat ye’s to a pizza if ye like as a thank you to you heroes!” She gushed, an arm over each of their shoulders she gave them a squeeze, “How are you feeling love?”

Angel nodded,

“I’m okay”

Alana smiled,

“I’m glad to see ye awake babe”

Angel was wishing she hadn’t woken up she sat almost numb, if she hadn’t have woken up she’d still be blissfully unaware, she began to feel suffocated, overwhelmed, she pulled awkwardly at the collar of the hoodie, she slowly moved to stand,

“Angel?” Matthew rushed over holding her hands and steadying her “You alright? What’s the matter?”

“I want a shower and I want my own clothes on!”

He looked her up and down and glanced at Alana, she nodded,

“Okay come on we’ll get ye showered and changed”

He moved instinctively to her pyjama draw knowing where everything was kept, sorting out a change of clothes and clean underwear,

“Isn’t he good to her!”

Kearney was grinning at them, Angel glared Matthew ignored him and Rez narrowed his eyes, Alana joined in the conversation,

“Isn’t he just! Ye a true gentleman Matthew!” she laughed as she left the room “I’ll give ye’s a shout when the pizza is here!”


	19. Nineteen - Me Myself & I

_“I'm still forgiven, no way  
And I've been the outcast, it feels great  
I highly doubt that, no way  
I'm contradicting all the stupid shit I say_

_You know I don't speak out  
I'm feeling fairly weak, and I can barely speak  
I started to freak out  
'Cause I can barely talk, I feel too weak to walk  
I'm trying to leave now” Oliver Tree_

****

In the months following the attack Angel had shrunk in to herself, she lost her job at the salon and never did enrol in the college, Matthew was disappointed, tired and stressed, he had spent countless nights holding her when she woke from a bad dream, he had spent countless hours talking her in to going for a walk with him to get some fresh air, he had argued with his mum over the amount of time he had spent out of the house,

_“You treat this place like a hotel! I tell ye what go and live with her and her mother see how long they put up with it for!”_

Rez came in most days trying to boost her mood but she had become somewhat nihilistic, her good days were rare, but Matthew lived for them, singing in the shower, ordering take aways and cuddling on the sofa but even then he would catch her mindlessly running her fingers over the deep scar in her eyebrow, he reassured her she was still the prettiest girl he had ever seen, that usually drew a smile from her. It was a dark time for all of them, even Kearney seemed affected by it, as time crept on, she started to show signs of her old self, playing with Rez and Bruno, dancing and cooking like she used to, she ventured out more and was able to be left alone.

Matthews boss had allowed him the paid time off on compassionate grounds and now he was back to work, Angel would often swing by throughout the week with a lunch or snacks for him, they would share a smoke,

“Shame we can’t afford this as a permanent thing”

He stated handing the joint back to her

“What do ye mean?”

She questioned,

“You coming here I like it, if we could do it forever I would, happily!”

She blushed, grinding the smoke out with her foot,

“Are ye at mine tonight?”

“Nah” he sighed rubbing his neck “Nah I better go home, show my face keep Deborah happy!”

They laughed, she bit her lip,

“Shame cause that boiler suit is really doing it for me!”

He let out a loud belly laugh,

“Get to fuck!”

He shoved her playfully, she leaned closer to him pecking him on the cheek,

“Well in that case, I’ll give you a call tonight?”

“I look forward to it, I’d hug ye but I’m covered in grease!”

She squeezed him anyway,

“I’ll see ye later!”

She walked away merrily, Matthew wolf whistling after her. 

-

She wiggled her hips, humming along to the radio as she dried the dishes and put them away, she turned, freezing to the spot, a shadow lurked behind the glass of the front door, she put the tea towel on the side, opening the drawer silently she pulled out a small vegetable knife and stepped closer, she could feel herself going clammy, she wrenched the door open, her breath catching in her chest,

“Angel” Kearney smirked, flicking his roll up down the garden path, he clocked the knife in her hand “Do ye usually welcome guests like that?”

“Only the uninvited ones!”

She snapped, feeling her back pocket for her phone, fuck, she had left it in the living room, with a strong shove to the chest he pushed his way in, kicking the door shut behind him, she clutched the knife, trying to keep an unbothered composure,

“I’ll have a tea please, two sugars”

“You’ll have fuck all, get the fuck out!”

“That’s not very nice!”

“It’s been months since I’ve seen ye _Joseph_ ” she emphasized his real name hoping it would drive the point home “and its been sheer bliss!”

“Ye don’t mean that!”

“Yes I fucking do now GET OUT!”

She screamed, he lunged towards her pining her to the wall by her shoulders,

“Keep ye fucking voice down!” he hissed, he could feel her trembling, she still had the knife in her hand but hadn’t even dared to raise it, he reckoned he could easily have it off her and slice her throat, wouldn’t be a clean cut cause it looked blunt but he could probably kill her with one or two well placed swings, the thought of blood spraying out of her like a shaken can of fizzy drink sent a wave of euphoria over him, he licked his lip “Drop the fucking knife and listen to me and listen fucking good cause you’ve got one chance here!”

She nodded, blinking back tears, she felt as though the walls were closing in around them, his hot hands made her itch,

“Let go of me I’ll listen”

“Drop the knife”

He spat through gritted teeth.

It fell to the floor with a dull thud, he let go of her shoulders wrapping his hand around her arm, he dragged her in to the living room, throwing her on the sofa, he yanked the curtains closed,

“Now listen, ye gonna leave Matthew”

“No I’m not!”

“Yes, ye are, I need some money”

“Go out and earn it then!”

She tried to remain steely towards him, trying to show he wasn’t going to win this time,

“ye seem to be forgetting Angel, I own ye at the minute!”

She stood quickly, squaring herself to him,

“No ye fucking don’t, cause I’ll tell Matthew, I’ll tell Rez, exactly what I am and I’ll tell the whole fucking world what you did and how sick in the head ye are!”

In a short sharp movement he, back handed her, she scrambled to her feet throwing a punch, he grabbed her fist and twisted, she yelped,

“If you tell him, I’ll cut his face ye understand me? And that wont be the last of it either, I’ll go whole hog, I’ll carve the pair of them and I’ll make ye watch!”

There was something in the tone of his voice, something that warned her he was telling the truth,

“Fine, what do ye want?”


	20. Twenty - They Told Me It Rained

_“I give up  
I give in  
Just show me love  
Show me love  
You're never lost  
I'll never win  
Just show me love  
Show me love  
And ask the boy who would be king  
Just show me love  
Show me love  
I'll never ask for anything  
Just show me love, show me love” Jamie T _

****

Sparks of electricity flooded Kearney’s veins, he felt godlike, he looked down on her snivelling on the sofa, her mangy staff curled up next to her offering little to no comfort, _Pathetic!_ He thought to himself, laughing out loud,

“Isn’t this fun aren’t we having fun!”

He had a spring in his step, there was a bounce to him as he puffed on his cigarette and danced to the music on the radio, he was enjoying himself, his whole body awash with adrenaline, this was the sort of thing that would make him famous, the 18 year old who blackmailed a filthy whore and her wet blanket of a boyfriend, destroying their lives, he wanted to make sure they wouldn’t recover from this, he wanted to twist their psyche beyond all repair, he wanted them all either dead or sectioned, he chose Rez to be last, a change on his original plan, he knew Rez would be easy to crack, the prick had already had a failed suicide attempt once before, he couldn’t even die properly, he wanted to enjoy himself for a little while first really get in to it.

“do it then!”

He barked, she sobbed flinching at his voice, with shaking hands she picked up her phone typing out a message, he watched her every movement making sure she sent the message, he snatched her phone,

“Let me see what you’ve put!”

She sat letting out breathy sobs,

_“I’ve been thinking a lot recently and I dnt think this is working 4 me anymore, ur a nice guy but I cnt c u again sorry.”_

He laughed sitting next to her and squeezing her,

“Ye know what fair play I didn’t think you were gonna do it, now as I was saying earlier, I need money”

“and as I said go out and earn it”

“Ye first client is at 8 tonight, ye need to make ye self look better, prettier, he’ll be paying four hundred euro, ye give me three fifty”

“Are you trying to pimp me out?”

She looked at him in disgust, he smirked back, she wanted to punch the smirk off of his face, clenching her fists, her look turned in to a glare,

“Ye get me to break up with Matthew so ye can sell me, ye realise if he catches me ye blackmail will be pointless? You’ve not thought this through!”

“Either way he won’t be interested, ye lied and ye cheap and dirty, been with hundreds of men why would he want that?”

She lurched at him, scratching him and pulling his hair, screeching obscenities like a wild animal he over powered her,

“I’m warning ye! One more fucking time and there wont be another chance!”

A loud knock on the front door sent him flying back, he looked in to the hallway and then back at her, obviously panicking, she looked him up and down an idea forming in her mind,

“I swear I’ll fucking scream!”

He powered towards her, clamping a hand over her mouth, she could smell the smoke on his breath and taste the sweat on his hand, he was scared.

A light clink from the letterbox broke the silence, a voice called through,

“Angel? Are ye there?”

She heard Kearney’s breathing hitch, it was Rez, Kearney shoved her off of himself,

“Go and answer it, act fucking normal!”

She nodded straightening herself up, she walked through the hallway, heart racing in her chest, she didn’t know if she would be able to stop herself from crumbling in front of him, she opened the door,

“Hey!” she smiled warmly, he leant in for a cuddle, she jolted back “Sorry, stomach cramps, come in!”

Matthew’s heart dropped, a numbness growing from his core, biting down on his lower lip he swept the back of his hand across his eyes, he couldn’t believe what he had just read, she was gone, he had lost her but she never explained why, was it something he had done? Was he not supportive enough? He read the message over and over again hoping he might spot a scrap of evidence, nothing. He slipped in to his bosses office,

“I..” he felt his voice breaking he cleared his throat “I need to go, I’ll make up the hours tomorrow…maybe…I don’t know yet”

His boss squinted at the boy, making his crows feet more prominent,

“Everything okay lad?”

Matthew shrugged,

“I’m not sure, can I just-“

“Yeah, yeah go, let me know how you’re feeling later, whatever it is I hope it’s not too serious”

Matthew slipped in to the back room, avoiding eye contact with the other lads, his stripped his overalls off folded them neatly and took his bag from his locker.

He walked until his feet hurt, he sat deflated on a bench over looking the water, he stared, watching the light sparkle on the gentle waves, he hadn’t a clue how much time had passed when his phone buzzed in his pocket,

_“Jst heard the newz buddy im so sorry thought u 2 were 4 eva”_

With clouded eyes he replied,

_“So did I, have u seen her?”_

_“Round here now, K is here 2 she beside herself!”_

Matthew screwed his nose up, why was Kearney there? He wasn’t the most empathetic person, in fact he was down right demented! He looked down at his feet, trying to make sense of things in his head,

_“y the fuck is Kearney there?”_

_“apparently he was passing and popped in, cant believe shes done this 2 ya man!”_

_“These things happen dnt think uve gt 2 stop being her pal tho”_

_“Nah I no u aint like tht”_


	21. Twenty one - St Christopher

_“Seems like a heavy load  
Anti-depressants lessen episodes  
While the West End boys in their hand-me-down clothes  
Brag about fights under her street lights  
She walks alone the long way home  
And oh she's a troubled soul  
Oh so troubled but nobody knows._

_And oh when you see her_  
She smiles when you greet her  
And tells you that she's never alone

_As long as St. Christopher's here” Jamie T_

Matthew hadn’t done much of anything in the 3 weeks following the break up, he kept trying to call only to be greeted by an automated voice _“You seem to have dialled an incorrect number, please hang up and try again”_ he pushed his way through work, his boss had given him the first week off after he turned up not having slept at all the night before, his mum had tried her hardest,

“I know it’s tough now love but you’re a handsome lad you’ll find someone and you’ll forget Angel ever even existed!”

He wasn’t convinced, he didn’t want anyone else either and his mum had to say he was handsome! She was his mum she was hardly going to call him ugly! He needed closure, he needed to know what had gone wrong, like many days before, he sent her a message,

_“I’ll be by the fountain in town at about 1 if u wnt to meet up n talk abt ths xxx”_

She never replied and she never showed up, he couldn’t just give up, he had never been a defeatist about anything and he especially wasn’t going to adopt that attitude now.

Rez sat at his desk, flicking through scraps of paper, he had been making notes, trying to build a timeline, he had driven himself insane wondering what Kearney was playing at, he began to jot things down at about three one morning when his mind wouldn’t settle, he’d not seen or heard from any of them recently, the last he had heard from Angel was the day he showed up at her door, she had obviously been crying, her puffy eyes and flushed cheeks were a give away, Kearney was there, he had a few faint scratch marks on his neck, but given his temperament they could have come from anywhere, he tried not to jump to conclusions but he couldn’t make sense of it any other way. The jokes Kearney had made, the way Angel flinched around him, she had broken up with Matthew the day Kearney had decided to conveniently drop in and now there wasn’t a trace of either of them! He stretched in his chair linking his fingers and putting his hands on his head, he sighed,

“C’mon Angel give me a sign!”

He muttered to himself, scrolling back over texts between them, he was still coming up blank and getting increasingly frustrated.

She rubbed her burning eyes, resting her head on her hand, she slouched against the arm of the sofa, she was coming up to 43 hours with no sleep now and had begun to feel drunk, her feet were blistered, her knees hurt, her pelvis ached and even her throat was sore, she had never worked to this calibre before, she was getting around 20 minutes between each client to have a smoke and a drink, she was starting to suffer, constantly in pain, her hair was shedding and her skin had gone a sickly grey, bony joints stuck out in places she hadn’t before. She missed her old life, she missed Rez and his dead pan humour, she missed Matthew and the sense of safety he brought with him and she was sick of hearing Kearney and Dwayne swear and argue, her phone rang from the table, she looked over at it hopefully, Kearney grabbed it,

“Matthew again! He does not give up!” he laughed “He must really think ye something special cherub!”

“My name is Angel!”

“No it’s not though is it? Ye gonna tell me that yet?”

“Like fuck!” She grunted putting her head on the sofa arm, nausea wracking her insides “Have I got time for a kip?”

Kearney glanced at the clock,

“You’ve got about 40 minutes, ill wake ye in twenty so ye can freshen ye self up”

She dozed off almost instantly, she wanted to go home, she hated it here, but now she knew where Dwayne had got the money from for his mods on his car, he ran a brothel, there were 4 girls, blondes, brunettes, tall, short. They all had the same haunted expression, they all had the same bags under their eyes and hopeless bleak outlook on life.

A sudden nudge woke her, she looked around confused, losing her bearings for a moment,

“Ye got lucky!” Kearney whispered “Ye next ones not turned up so you’ve had a couple of hours, but ye due back out soon”

“Lucky me” She groaned “Kearney please, I need to sleep, I need a shower, I need food and painkillers or I’m no used to anyone” she tried to put it in his language to get him on side “If I’m tired or dirty they aint gonna pay and if they do it’ll be much less than what were charging then were both out of pocket!”

He stood thoughtfully for a moment,

“You’ve got a point, reckon ye could manage some fresh air?”

She nodded,

“Let me grab my shoes”

They walked around town, down different streets and alleys, he chatted idlily to her, she assumed it was an attempt to look normal, she remained uninterested, a shop sign catching her eye, she knew exactly where they were, they were heading towards the garage Matthew worked in, she stopped dead,

“Jesis are ye sick in the head?!”

Kearney looked at her confused

“What?”

“I know ye fucking game Kearney, ye not parading me past there, its just fucking cruel!”

“It’s cute that ye think you’ve got the choice!”

“I wont fucking do it!”

“Ye will or I’ll kill ye”

He said it with a shrug, with so much nonchalance it chilled her to the bone,

“Ye something else Joseph Kearney I tell ye!”

He smiled,

“I know!” he leaned in to whisper in her ear “ye look in his direction, I’ll kill ye, he shouts ye ignore him or I’ll kill ye, it really is that simple!”

She hoped that Matthew would see the state of her and ask questions, she knew Kearney was still going smoking with him and Rez, it had stopped for a couple of weeks but now they had just carried on like she wasn’t there, she was just a ghost to Matthew and Rez now, Kearney even hinted that there was another girl on the scene, it destroyed her.

“Wait there until I tell ye!” He instructed “He can’t see us together”

She remained out of sight watching as he strolled past, giving Matthew a little wave as he went, she would give anything for a car to mount the pavement and twat him! Minutes past, he beckoned her towards him, she tried to act casual, hands in pockets she walked with her head up. Matthew looked up from his cigarette, his heart coming in to his mouth, walking across the forecourt, there she was, she didn’t look well, she looked tired and down trodden, in a shabby tracksuit with her hair piled on top of her head in a loose bun, she was a shadow of what she was, she lacked her sparkle, she looked like a spectre, skin so pale she might fade in front of his eyes, he took a few small shuffling steps forward,

“Angel?” she didn’t respond, it was definitely her though “Angel what the fuck are ye doing?”

Nothing she carried on walking not even sparing him a passing glance.

She sniffed back tears as Kearney grinned giving her a thumbs up,

“Please drop dead”

She thought to herself.


	22. Twenty Two - Dragon Bones

_“Cause you're all  
That I want   
Yeah you're all That I need   
Baby please Take my hand   
Because this love Is killing me _

_When I see you Wishing you **drag me home**  
When I see you Wishing on dragon bones_

_Upside down inside out  
If I had a gun I'd blow my brains out” – Jamie T_

****

****

“Rez…Rez!” He groaned pulling the duvet over his head “Will ye wake up for fucks sake!”

He moved the duvet, with eyes barely open he scowled at Matthew,

“What do ye want!”

“I want to know why ye still in bed at gone 2pm ye lazy shit! An why its such a mess in here ye animal!”

Rez raised an eyebrow at him, smirking,

“I’m tired…too tired to clean!”

“Right” Matthew raised his eyebrows and smirked, drawing the word out, Rez still hadn’t moved, Matthew leant forward tapping his warm face “Are ye listening?”

“Yes, yes I’m listening what do you want?”

“I’ve seen angel!”

Rez snapped his attention to him, looking at him as though he were sizing him up, trying to work out if he was telling the truth, he had no reason not to believe him, but this was the boy who broke down at the mere mention of her name only weeks ago and now he was chatting about her casually,

“Where’d ye see her?”

“She walked past the garage yesterday whilst I was working”

“Did ye not try to stop her?”

“obviously, I shouted her!”

“And?”

“She didn’t respond”

He looked to the floor rubbing his hands together, Rez let a moments silence pass,

“How was she?”

“Well I don’t know I didn’t speak to her!”

“How did she look like she was”

“…ill…she was a mess man! Tracksuit, pale, like sickly, she looked tired and paranoid”

Rez sighed sitting up,

“Right” he reached out and rubbed his friends arm attempting to be comforting “What do ye want to do about it?”

Matthew sniffed, Rez knew he was trying to hold himself together,

“Fuck all mate she’s made her choice!”

“Ye don’t mean that”

“Yeah, I fucking do! Ye need ton start getting sorted man, its depressing in here and were meeting Kearney soon!”

Rez nodded,

“Ye might want to turn away”

Matthew looked at him puzzled,

“Why? – Oh jesis ye naked under there! Ye slut!”

They laughed as Matthew scurried out of the room covering his eyes.

****

Rez jumped up, grabbing clean boxers, he scribbled down what Matthew had told him stashing it away in a drawer, he was determined to get to the bottom of this and he would happily wager money on Kearney being involved somewhere along the line.

-

“where ye going?”

A voice behind her made her straighten up and turn, she sighed in relief finding Laura stood behind her,

“Ye frightened the life out of me! I’m just going to tesco, going to get something for dinner, ye coming with me?”

She checked the time and nodded,

“Yeah sure, I’ll come along, I need to get more shampoo anyway”

They scanned the aisles cautiously, making sure not to draw attention to themselves, Angel looked at Laura, it was difficult for her not to draw attention, she was a very pretty girl, tall, skinny a smattering of freckles across her nose and the bluest doe eyes angel had ever seen. She stood looking at jars of sauces, none of them taking her fancy, she had grown accustomed to not eating a lot of heavy rich foods now, she reckoned they would probably fuck with her stomach if she did,

“Im gonna go and find the shampoo, I’ll meet ye at the checkout in a bit?”

“Yeah sure”

She revelled in being alone for a couple of minutes, it was a luxury that wasn’t afforded to her very often anymore. A warm hand clamped its self on her arm sending a shock through her, she looked quickly ready to run or concede, if it were Kearney she’d run if it were Dwayne she wouldn’t stand a chance, there looking back with flushed cheeks and glassy eyes, a small gentle smile was Rez, she choked out a laugh, jaw dropping in disbelief she threw herself at him, holding him and breathing in his scent, she couldn’t believe he was there,

“Where have ye been Angel? Fuck!”

Matthew was right, she was almost corpse like, small and slight,

“I can’t tell ye Rez I really can’t!”

“Why not come on, lets get ye home, ye ma has been climbing the walls!”

“Rez I can’t! Ye don’t get it if I leave then you my ma and Matthew are all in trouble”

He held her by her shoulders,

“Yes or no, had Kearney got something to do with this?” She nodded, he breathed an exasperated breath, putting his hand on the back of his head, “Angel, where’s he keeping ye? What’s he doing to ye?”

“I can’t tell ye now!”

Rez looked around, keeping an eye out for Kearney, he thought on his feet,

“Right listen I’ve got an idea! I’ll follow ye home, ye don’t know me I’m not there, then I know where he’s keeping ye, then tomorrow we’ll meet, by the fountain in town at eleven and we’ll sort out from there” he shook his head looking up and down at her, “I’m so glad ye still alive!” 

He enfolded her once more, hesitant to let her go.

“Tomorrow”

She reiterated

“Tomorrow!”

“Tell Matthew I’ll see him soon yeah? And then it’ll all be better yeah?”

He nodded,

“Ye need to go, we can’t have any suspicions raised. Go and be whatever hes told ye normal is!”

She nodded and scampered away, he gave it a few moments before he followed, keeping his sunglasses on and headphones in he followed her to a run down house, he watched from around a corner, she knocked sheepishly, Kearney opened the door, his head twitching with paranoia looking for someone who might have seen him, _I’m right here cunt!_ Rez thought to himself, he yanked her in to the house, it looked like a normal pebble dashed end of terrace house, old furniture in the front garden and scattered with beer cans and takeaway wrappers but nothing special, it definitely wasn’t Kearney’s regular address though. Rez remembered the house number the colour of the door and the road name, he backed away, rushing back towards Matthews. He had a message to pass on.


	23. Twenty Three - Teen Idle

_“Yeah, I wish I'd been, I wish I'd been a teen, teen idle  
Wish I'd been a prom queen fighting for the title  
Instead of being sixteen and burning up a Bible  
Feeling super, super, super suicidal  
The wasted years, the wasted youth  
The pretty lies, the ugly truth  
And the day has come where I have died  
Only to find I've come alive_

_I wanna drink until I ache  
I wanna make a big mistake  
I want blood, guts and angel cake  
I'm gonna puke it anyway” Marina_

Rez could read the confusion on Matthews face as clear as day,

“So, she’s been like kidnapped? And is being pimped out by Kearney and his brother?”

“Well not kidnapped as such, more held against her will and pimped out”

Matthew glared at him,

“Why have ye not rung the police yet! Why didn’t ye tell me ye had seen her!”

“Ye need to calm down, I couldn’t ring the police, not without risking us our mammies and Angel, I’m not the bad guy here remember that! You were too busy throwing a strop and licking ye wounds to dig deeper, I fucking did it! Ye welcome!”

Matthew stared back at him stunned Rez had never snapped at him before, not like that anyway,

“Alright but it’s not about that at the moment” he muttered trying to save face “so what do we do?”

“I’ve arranged to meet her today, I’ll be leaving shortly to-“

“I’m coming!”

Matthew interrupted,

“No ye not, it’ll be too obvious if we both go, I’m literally meeting her and bringing her back to mine, we’ll hide her there “

He was itching to see her, squirming in his seat,

“Can I be close by at least?”

“No, cause one of ye’s will get emotional and we’ll get caught!”

“So let’s just batter him then?”

Rez rubbed his eyes,

“Matthew, he’s dangerous a lot more dangerous than we thought, this had got to be as quick as possible!”

The atmosphere grew heavy as the gravity of the situation dawned on the two of them.

She didn’t sleep that night, unable to pull her mind away from the light at the end of the tunnel, she rolled over looking at the time, nearly 7 am, she pulled herself from the warmth of the bed and plodded through to the bathroom, the water from the shower feeling different, more cleansing, this was it, this was her chance to escape, get herself on the straight and narrow, everything would be different, no more drugs and partying she was going to keep her head down get her junior cert and build something better, everything was going to be okay.

She pulled on jeans and a hoodie, piling her hair in to a ponytail, she collected what small things she could, tobacco, lighter and the like. She spritzed herself with perfume and ventured downstairs, she stopped at the table in the living room come diner and rolled a cigarette,

“Not gonna jazz that up a bit?”

Dwayne pried, she shrugged,

“Nah I’ve got a hair appointment, don’t wanna go stinking of grass”

“Take Laura with ye”

Angel’s heart lurched, as soon as she was out of there and safe she would be ringing the police, she would get the others out but for now she needed to go alone, she thought quickly,

“Nah, she’s better staying here to be honest with ye!”

Dwayne stood, stepping closer to her, she gulped and took a deep breath trying to remain casual,

“What makes ye say that?”

“well, Ill only be gone two hours tops, its only a wash cut and blow dry, you’ll only lose one bloke at most, where as if Laura were to come with me, you’d lose two maybe three” she smiled and placed a hand on the top of his arm “I can more than make up for one bloke though, ye know that!”

He smiled back cupping her face making her skin crawl,

“Alright, ye convinced me, off ye go!”

He kissed her lips, she fought the urge to wretch,

“I’ll see ye in a bit, won’t be long!”

She headed out pulling the front door closed behind her, she didn’t relax until she was minutes away from the fountain, there he was, Rez sat waiting patiently, long legs crossed, book in one hand and roll up in the other, she picked up her pace, clearing her throat to draw his attention, he looked up over his sunglasses, a smile breaking across his face, she approached him calmy despite every fibre in her being crying, screaming at her to run towards him and jump in to his arms. He looked around, grabbing her hand and walking quickly away from the town centre,

“did any one follow ye?”

“Not that I know of”

“We can’t walk were more likely to get caught, busses are off the table cause again we’ll get caught”

“Jesis did ye not think this through properly? Rez! I’m surprised at you!” she glanced around, flagging down a taxi “Come on, I’ve got some cash”

“Angel!”

“Before ye say it, cause I know ye will, I don’t want it! I just want it gone!”

Rez nodded, telling the driver his address,

“Keep ye head down, just in case!”

He moved her gently in to his lap, placing his hand on her ribs, stroking with his thumb, in normal circumstances one of them would have cracked a joke, but this was different, both were running cold with fear and anxiety. The journey seemed to last forever. With hearts racing, they kept quiet, Rez stealing glances from the streets as they flew by conscious of the fact Angel was still shaking in his lap,

“It’ll be okay ye know”

He stated,

“I know”

She whispered back, she wasn’t sure who he was trying to convince himself or her. She remained quiet.

Matthew paced apprehensively, the news reader on the telly rambling away to himself monotonously, he hadn’t got a text or even a drop call like Rez said he fucking would and he was starting to lose patience! He checked his phone again on the off chance he had missed it, nothing, he threw it back on the sofa, huffing out for a smoke.

His phone vibrated as he left the room,

_“I’ve got her, were on our way.”_

As they got out of the taxi she passed the driver a twenty,

“Keep the change!”

Rez looked at her puzzled, trying not to think the worst but he had a feeling he knew already, a nervous sickness sat in the pit of his stomach,

“Put ye hood up!” She nodded, covering her hair, the driver glanced back in his mirror, “I’m not a fucking wrongen! I’ve saved her!”

He wasn’t sure why he was justifying himself to a perfect stranger.

The scuttled towards the house, his hands shaking trying to get the key in the door, it clicked open, Matthew opened his mouth to speak as his eyes grazed over the hooded figure behind his friend, no words came out, his jaw dropped and he stammered wanting to pinch himself, anger confusion and longing brewed in him, he didn’t know what was going to come out first, his brow furrowed,

“Angel?”


End file.
